


Cast Adrift

by up_the_tower_1001



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bottom Steve Rogers, Clint Is a Good Bro, Depression, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Original Character(s), Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sailor - Freeform, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Smut, Steve Needs a Hug, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, nick fury is an old man, old timey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-05-08 14:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5500460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/up_the_tower_1001/pseuds/up_the_tower_1001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky can't get him out of his head. It was ridiculous, the man. He was huge and handsome and he blushed like a maiden. And Bucky is a literal sailor. He's seen it all. But not this man with ocean eyes that see too much but can't face himself. This man who gets beaten up in alleyways and has hands that can fight but prefer to draw. Steve doesn't need to be rescued, just to be seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning  
> (The chapters get longer.)

Bucky Has always been in love with the sea. He has been rocked to sleep by gentle waves for as long as he can remember. On his 13th birthday, his father came home drenched in head to toe with rain and absolutely exhausted, but somehow he managed to stay up all night and celebrate their reunion. The next day, James became Bucky, a true sailor.

"BUCKY!!!" Bucky sprang up, sleep still fogging his brain and eyes. The ship was covered in a thick mist which hung like a warm blanket over the smooth water. His father's voice cracked like a whip over the silence. The rest of the crew was standing around looking up at him from his perch on the lookout post. The tension was almost as thick as the fog. "GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!!" He roared. Bucky flinched at the harsh tone in his voice and scampered down the mast with the ease and grace of someone who had been sailing for 13 years. The haze of sleep was gone and adrenaline pumped through his body. _I fell asleep. How the hell did I fall asleep on watch duty, especially so close to the capital, Mu. You idiot!_ He landed with a soft thud on the sleek wet wood of the ship and faced his father.

His dad was not at all an old man yet, but he was slowly getting there. His face was lathery from the sun and freckles splashed across his cheeks and nose. Thick waves of dark hair fell around his shoulders. "Did you have a nice nap up there?" he growled. Bucky felt a lump forming in his throat, and suddenly it was impossible to swallow. So much for the old man going easy on his only kid.

"Dad. I'm sorry, there is no-"

He held up his hand. Bucky immediately stopped talking. When he held up his hand like that, it was either shut the fuck up and listen of get slapped so hard it will make your unborn children feel dizzy. "It's not about that. Bucky, you are an excellent sailor. Yes, you make the occasional mistake, but you have been doing this all your life. The crew and I have talked it over. I am not getting any younger, and this work is not for a old man."

Bucky's heart began to beat faster. He looked at the crew surrounding them. This was his family. It has always been. They were all his older brothers, teaching him dirty tricks like pissing on people from above and how to get an extra drink or two when the chef wasn't looking. And now they were here looking at his with sad faces which didn't match up with what he knew his father was about to say; What he always knew his father would eventually say: James would be the next Captain of the Killian, a sleek black ship that he had become a man on. Something was going on. "Dad, what are you saying?"

"Listen Bucky. We will reach the capital by Sunset. I hate to drop this on you so suddenly, but it's long overdue. Bucky, you need to get at least the basis of an education. You will be spending a year at my old friend Nick's house. He will teach you how to be a respectable young man and deal with the nobles and princes and the rats that will try and scam you out of your money."

"WHAT??? Dad, I'm ready dad. I can Captain it now if you asked me to. I've see you talk your way out of a thousand bad deals. Why can't you teach me? Please dad You can't do this!" He felt like he was going to throw up. His head was spinning. A year on land alone? No. He couldn't do that to him.

"Listen Bucky, it's just not something that I can teach you. I'm sorry. You have always been a hot head, and I know and trust that Nick can help you learn much quicker than I could ever do. Hell, you barely know how to read. I just don't have the time to tutor you. I'm sorry James, but it's been decided." _James. He called me James._

"Bucky, it's for your own good," said Clark. He was a monster of a man, and also his father's right hand man. "That's why I could never become Captain, or Hector, or anyone else on the ship. It has to be you. Can't you see how big of an opportunity this is for you? You get to go on land for a year just to learn. Bucky, that is amazing."

"Then you go do it," he snarled.

"Oh get your head out of your own ass and grow up son!" his father shouted, taking Bucky by surprise. He flinched away from the captain. "It's going to be you, and you will do this if you ever want to follow in my footsteps. If you want to act like a spoiled little brat, then you can sail your ass back to your aunt's house on a raft. I've heard she has started a girls orphanage. You would blend right in! Or you man up, use your head for once in your life, and stay in Mu."

Bucky was ashamed of the tears that welled up in his eyes but never fell. He was ashamed of his hot his face felt in front of the other men and in front of his father. He was ashamed of how weak his voice sounded when he said, "it's just not fair," because that's all he could think of to say.

Clark, his uncle and his friend, stepped in and put a hand on his father's shoulder. His kind brown eyes searched Bucky's face. "Bucky, if not for yourself, and if not for your own father, then please go for the rest of us. We need a well educated captain, and you are the only one who can do it. Please."

And Bucky knew he had lost. It was a dirty trick, to bring the rest of them into the picture. How could he say no? Not when every one of them has raised him. When they had given him their bread when he was a teenager and was still hungry after a day's work even after eating his portion, or when they teased him about not being able to catch a lady when he was 16 and came back with a red mark on his face and they had spent the next month teaching him how to smooth talk the socks off of even the holiest of girls. If not for himself, and not for his own father, then yes, he would do it for the crew.

That night, as they unloaded their ship of exotic spices and cloth from many lands, Bucky sat in his hammock with the stench that slightly resembled death. He swung ever so slightly and listened to the steady creak of the rusty metal. Clark was sitting with him When Bucky had asked him why he wasn't enjoying every moment of the few days they had on land until they departed again, he had simply replied, "I only have a few more minutes with you."

After sitting in silence for a while, listening to the commotion from the upper floors of the ship being hollowed out, Bruce spoke up. "Your Father, he was only so harsh to you because he loves you. He needed you to understand that this is important."

Bucky snorted. "I really wasn't hoping for another lecture Clark."  
He stayed quiet for a moment, and then said, "Thank you Bucky. I'll be looking forward to the day we land in Mu once again to find a strapping young man ready to lead us." And then he sat up and walked away. The sound of his heavy boots echoed through the sleeping quarters until it disappeared. If Bucky could have said anything, it would have been no, thank you. But his voice was gone and this throat all closed up with emotion  
"Good bye," he whispered in the dark.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky meets Nicky Fury who is nothing like anyone imagined him, and then meets a little bird from the streets.

The first thing Bucky noticed about Nick Fury was that he was a lot older than he imagined. Bucky had thought he would be a man around his dad's age, maybe a little younger. He imagined a man that Bucky could relate to and talk about life with. Instead, he found an old man with almost a full head of white hair asleep on his desk with a bottle of whiskey beside him. 

His home was in the alleyways of the city hidden with the grime and dirt on the walls. It was extremely narrow and had two stories with a ladder leading up to the second. It smelt of cat piss and some sort of old stew. His snores filled the small house. 

"Nick? Nick Fury," his dad called, gently shaking the old mans shoulder.

"Wha...what? What? Who are you? What do you want?" His black eyes were sharp despite being drunk and probably senile. They found Bucky and he glared right back. This old geezer was suppose to teach him?

"It's Caleb. Nick it's time. My boy is twenty two. I sent word. Did you not receive my letter?" He noticed a small tinge or worry creep into his father'c voice. Who was this man? He had never heard his father sound worried about anything and he never imagined it would be in front of some old drunk. 

"No...no I remember now. Yes. you are correct. I remember now. And this is your boy?" The old man looked him up and down with bored eyes. "Yes, I can tell we have a lot of work to do. One year might not be enough."

Bucky felt his tamper flare. "Now listen here you old crone-"

"JAMES!"

"You can't criticize me when all you do is sleep and wallow in your own piss. You are a poor ancient wannabe living in his past. You already have one foot int the grave buddy, and if you keep flapping your gums like that, I might just be inclined to finish you off!" Bucky glared at the man through narrowed eyes, but it didn't exactly get the reaction he wanted. Bucky took a step back , aghast, when the old fool started laughing. "You-you're crazy. You're just a fool."

"Oh shut up," snapped the man, his good nature shriving up. "I don't need to take this shit. Listen closely. You are nothing more than an immature child. You throw temper tantrums and go crying to your daddy every time something doesn't go your way. It's time for you to finally grow a pair of balls, kid. Now, you will stay here with me in Mu if you ever want to sail that ship of your again, and you will pay attention to what I say. Understand? Now leave your father and I. We have some business to discuss."

And just like that, Bucky had been dismissed. He clenched his hands, reminding himself that the satisfaction of making the old geezer choke of his teeth for saying those things would only last so long, and then he would have to deal with his father. He resorted to spitting in his face, and if he wasn't planning to run away at first, his fathers expression was enough to sprint away for his life. 

Bukcy bust out of the door and ran through the allies like a madman, and he could hear his fathers shouting fading far behind him as he got closer to the city. Mu was a huge city, bigger that anything he'd ever imagined. Of course, he's been here before. They always stop here once a year, but he's never gotten to go very far into the city. Instead he had preferred to stay along the beautiful coast line. Now, as trash bins and brocken windows went flyting past him, he could begin to smell foods cooking and people shouting. The small street twisted and turned and split and arched and he wasn't exactly sure of were he was going. All thoughts of Nick and his father were far behind him as he thought of the city and the treasures it held, not to mention all the pretty women. 

And maybe even men. He wasn't sure, but he had heard Coulson, a crew mate, talk about a man at home the same way Bucky sometimes heard Bruce talk about girls. The first time he had ever heard of a man lying with another man, be had still been small, maybe only 12 or 13, but it had amazed him. Not ever had he even considered the possibility. It was strange to him, and he remained quiet as Coulson spoke of how he couldn't wait to see him again. And then it was swept away by someone else talking about a dame they used to love in the next city they were to visit. But by then Bucky wasn't really listening. 

He had never seen a man asking if he wanted to have a good time dressed in ill-fitting clothing. And he wasn't old enough to walk through the cities, even the small ones, by himself. He was always kept on a tight leash, and he was normally so focused on enjoying the fresh fruits that came from the earth that he never really focused on other people. But still, not even once could he remember a man touching another man intimately. Maybe he needed to pay more attention. 

Then, when he was 15, after several years of building up the courage, he asked his dad if he could go though the streets alone, as his birthday present. His dad looked at him skeptically, and then said "no women" and sent him along. It was harder to sneak into a bar than he imagined. They would take one look at him and laugh and kick his ass out before he even got the chance to sit down. And then, as he was getting shoved roughly out of his fifth bar that night, he slammed into a boy around his age. The kid was skinny and tall, taller than Bucky at the time. He had a handsome face, even when it was covered him mud from being tacked by Bucky. 

"Gods I'm so sorry!" he said to the boy. He scrambled to get off the kid, and then shouted at the two laughing men, " Hey watch where yah throw me you god damn fruitcakes!!"

"Ah, fuck off," snapped the bigger of the two, and then they disappeared through the doors leaving him alone with the stranger who had finally gotten to his feet. 

He laughed, and weather it was the adrenaline coursing through his veins or the sound of it, light yet full and rich, but he swore his heart skipped a beat. "I was about to try that one too! My mom always told me I looked older because of my height, but I've already been thrown out of two bars! I guess she was lying to make me feel better about my baby face. Moms do that sometimes." His eyes crinkled up as he laughed again and stuck out his hand. "I'm Aken. You from here?"

That was his first kiss with a boy. Bucky was a bit awkward, but Aken guided him though it. "'t's just like a girl. Don;t think too much. Just do whatever feels right." He had rested his hands on Bucky's his and pressed into him, and god that almost killed him. Bucky had to tilt his head up a little and Aken had to tilt him head down a little, but it was perfect, standing in front of a noisy pub in muddy clothes and simply holding on to each other.

Bucky pressed on. The memory was crystal clear as if it happened yesterday. He remembered he was on cloud nine for a week straight. He would fall asleep to the thought of Aken's steady hands. That was a long time ago though. He was much more comfortable with the idea of kissing boys. He never brought it up to anyone, not even his father, but he was pretty sure Bruce ended up finding out anyway. 

Aken was wrong about one thing though: It wasn't like kissing a girl. Girls were soft and round and they liked to be lead. Boy could be rough with their kisses. They fought Bucky for dominance and they would use teeth and sometimes their lips were dry and sometimes their hands were calloused as they tugged on his long hair. He liked both. 

So, he would be happy with a girl or a boy, and he knew that as soon as he got to main part of the city he would have to find a drink and someone to cuddle up to and make him forget the old man and the older man.

Bucky came to a halt several yards in front of a sleeping man lying on the ground. His clothes were rags and his long hair was matted. He was covered in filth and he didn’t even have a blanket or a pillow to rest his head on.  Homeless people tended not to like being disturbed by the upper class unless they were offering them money, but Bucky didn't have any change with him. Still, he didn’t much care what the the guy thought of him, so Bucky slowly walked up to the man. No harm in being cautious. The guy could have a weapon on him. What a way to end. There was no way in hell that Bucky would die by getting stabbed to death with a rusty knife by some homeless person.

“Hey, ‘scuse me sir.” He nudged the man with his foot. “Hey, wake up.” 

The man slowly raised his head and looked at him with foggy gray eyes. “What do you want,” he snarled. 

“You know how to get to the market from here?”

“What, are you an idiot. You don’t know where the market is.  _ Phft _ . He wakes me up to ask me where the market is. He’s some kind of idiot.  _ The market,” _ He muttered to himself and slowly put him head down. 

“Hey! Old man! You didn’t answer my question!” Bucky rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Come on!” He nudged the man again.

“Fine! Just stop bothering me!!” He rolled back to his side and glared at Bucky. “Just keep going that way,” he waved his hand vaguely “and then take a right and keep on going until you hit a turn and just keep going until you get to the market.” 

“What? How the heck is that suppose to help me?! Do you even know how to get there? Hello?” The man rolled back onto his other side and presumably fell back asleep. Bucky groaned in frustration. Maybe he should just go back to Nick Fury’s place and apologize. But even the thought of the old crow sparked a little bit of anger in him. No, better to cool down until he could face him without punching him in the face. “Fine,” he said mostly to himself because the hobo was really out of it, “I’ll find it by myself.”

“Need any help?” asked a young voice. Bucky looked up to find a boy around 17 or 18 perched up on one of the window seals like a bird. He had short brown hair and a round nose with a square jaw. Handsome, yes, but the mischievous glint in his eyes and the smirk on his lips made him look just a little too young for Bucky’s taste. He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I do. You know where the market is? Or really just a way out of this maze? And why the hell are you up there?”

The kid jumped down from the window with an easy grace and landed almost silently. “Yes, I know how to get out, but it’s gonna cost you.”

Bucky snorted. “Cost me? Yeah right kid, I’ll try my luck.” He was bluffing. He had no idea where to go, only not the direction where he came from. Hopefully. 

“Yeah right. You’re in what folks call the labyrinth. Unless you know your way through these allies, you’ll never make it out.” He chuckled and shrugged at Bucky’s glare. “I’m just saying. I could get you out in a breeze.”

“Well if you could ‘get me out in a breeze’,” Bucky mocked, “then I seriously doubt it’s that hard to figure out because you don’t exactly strike me as the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean.”

“I do. And I also know that  you wouldn’t be able to find your way out if I gave you all night,” the kid sneered. 

Bucky seethed at him, and never one to back down, stuck out his hand. You got yourself a bet.”

The dumb kid didn’t have anything else to do, so he tagged along aside Bucky as they made their way through piles of day old dog shit and litter, all the while making snide little comments to get under Bucky’s skin, and boy was it working. 

“Wow you really are a dumb one,” the kid snickered. Bucky clenched and unclenched his hands.  _ Just keep calm. He wants you to react. _ “My god, have you no sense of direction?”  _ He’s baiting you, Bucky. You can do this. The music is already sounding closer.  _ “Boy, you must be one pathetic sailor if you can’t even navigate your way through a city.” 

Later, when he asked him how he knew he was a sailor, the boy just held a finger up to his eye and winked. “I know how to read a person and spot out who is who”

“That’s it!! I’ll show you who’s pathetic you annoying little shit!” 

He had never seen anyone move so fast. Bucky wasn’t slow. He knew how to fight, and win. But when he swung, the kid made him feel like one of those beefed up porkers he sees at restaurants. He was up on a ledge a couple feets away in seconds, snickering like a 5 year old. 

“You were saying?”

Bucky’s face went red. He really didn’t like this kid. How long had they been walking? An hour, two maybe? And he was already tired and damp with sweat. “Oh go shove a sock in it.” he muttered  unenthusiastically and kept marching on. 

_ Damn kid. Why the hell is he following me anyway...unless he knows I have no chance of getting out of this god damn maze. _ His dad has simply walked into some random alley way and made several turns and presto! they were where they were supposed to be. Why the hell couldn't he find his way out!  _ Maybe it’s time to ask the snob for a little help.  _ Bucky turned around to see the stocky boy whistling a tune and trailing him a couple feet back. 

“Hey Kid, listen I’m sorry about all of that trying to punch you into oblivion stuff. What do you say you help me out here?” Bucky managed a cheesy friendly smile and was tempted to batt his eyelashes.

The kid put on the same cheesy smile and said, “Sure thing. How much you got on yah?”

Twenty minutes later and he might actually be getting farther than he was before. His feet were aching and he ties him his dark, shoulder length hair into a sloppy bun. “What’s your name anyway?”

“Fargoson Mc.Donald. You?”

“Blip Kingzington.”

“Your mother must be a very creative person.”

“My mother is dead.”

“Then you father is a very creative person. Or, you know, an asshole.”

“Probably both.” 

There were quiet for another half an hour. The sun was falling quickly and the streets were beginning to look more gray and black. Bucky was close to giving up. He had a headache and just wanted to either sit down or punch fucking Fargoson in the dick, and then sit down. The music had stopped and the smells of dinner being cooked was interfering with the scents of the marketplace. Most shops were probably shutting down for the night. The pubs would be open long into the night, but if he wanted a little company, then he needed a miracle. That, or just ask the kid. Except, he really didn’t want to ask the kid. 

“You know, I might be going home soon. It would be really unfortunate if you never did find your way back home.”

Bucky knew he was right, and even though all of his being wanted to keep on being a stubborn ass, he stopped and turned around. “Fine then. Get me out of this maze, and then get me to the nearest place I can get a good drink.”

The kid, he still didn’t his real name yet, whooped and cried out “Follow me!” He rushed past him and Bucky had no choice but to follow. They raced through the alleys and within a minute or two, made a sharp left turn and burst out into a swarm of people.

They were from everywhere, that much was clear. They had all sorts of accents and clothings and looks and complections. Bucky had never seen so many people out this late at night before. They carried bag of food and wore shiny jewels, or they wore dirty clothes and pushed their way through the mass. They worn hats and had tattoos and wore rings and boots and make up and smelled of dirt and grime and perfume and spices and home cooked meals all at once.

He must have been staring because this 18 year old boy put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder and said, “Yeah. I know.” He was missing this the entire night. How many people were here during the day time? 

“And a place to drink?”

“I know just the place.”

“Come on, give me your name.”

“Clint Barton.”

“Bucky Barnes. Kid, has anyone told you that you are one little annoying shit?”

“Yeah, actually. You, like an hour ago.”

“Huh.”

Clint had to lead Bucky through the mass. They dodged old men with umbrellas even though it wasn’t raining and young women arguing over anything and everything. There were so many lights everywhere too. Clint stopped at a corner and shoved his way past a fat old drunk guy and past a heavy wooden door into a dimly lit bar. It wasn’t too loud, just the rumble of people drinking and eating. Clint slid his way onto a seat, and Bucky hopped onto a stool next to him. 

“I’m guessing you come here often.”

“Maybe once and awhile.”

“You now the Bartender by name,”

“So I’m a friendly guy. Sue me.”

“He asked you if you wanted ‘the usual’.”

“And it’s fucking amazing. Just you wait, Bucky Barnes. You will forget all your worries.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky can't describe it. He's just different.

“There was something to be said about Clint Barton: He was bat shit crazy and a great time. “The usual” wasn’t anything Bucky had ever had. There were flavors he never experienced that made the strong burn of alcohol go down much earlier. And faster. Bucky might have gotten a little carried away. His mu was always full of the exotic blue liquid, and soon he was howling along with Clint as drunk me exchanged dirty jokes.

At one point, Clint was approaches by a sneering juvenile, probably much too young to be in a place like this, and as determined to flight Clint to protect his sister’s honor. Bucky’s head was swimming at that point, and Clint was not much better. They both laughed for a good minute at the poor kid who, admittedly, stood his ground.

“What’d you even do?” Bucky gasped in between laughs.

“Eh, nothing really. She just gave me a taste of her cherry pie if you know what I mean.” It really shouldn’t have been as funny as it was, but it set them both off again.

“You bastard! Get off your sorry ass and fight me you prick!”

Clint sighed and put down his drink. A couple of bystanders jeered at him and Clint winked at a lady who sat at another table. Probably a hooker. “Alright, I guess I should give him what he wants,” Clint sighed, as if it were the biggest hassle in the world. Then, the lad went down with one sharp punch from Clint. He flopped back down into his chair and said, “next round’s on you.”

The night grew darker and the rowdy crowd departed, leaving the sleepy outcasts and the pair of men. People flowed in and out as the two played cards. Clint didn’t stand a chance. The flow of alcohol had slowed. Both of their cups were half full, but they still slurred their words and giggled at everything and were too loud.

Clint folded for the third time in a row, eyes glaring at Bucky as if it were somehow his fault that clint was unable to get a good hand when his eyes flickered behind him toward the door and widened a fraction. Bucky turned to look and saw a cloaked figure entered the dark pub. Even by candle light, he could tell his shoulders were mouth-wateringly broad and the stood at the same height as Bucky.

Bucly gestured to the man who'd caught his eye. "Who is that?"

“Not sure. He comes in here once and awhile though. He doesn’t really talk much and he never drink more than one or two mugs. Something is different about him. Just haven’t been able to put a finger on it.”

“What, you wanna fuck him or something? Why have you been watching him?”

Clint’s eyes flickered back to Bucky, and he snorted. “Yeah, no. I think I’ll pass. Not exactly my forte if you know what I mean. I’ll stick to ladies, thank you very much. Gods, Barnes, what from the pit would give you that impression? I ain’t no twink.”

“Twink? And what from the pit is a twink?”

Clint rolled his eyes and took a swig of his drink. “You know, a fairy? A man who fancies other men?’

“Yeah? Well I happen to enjoy spending some quality man to man time, so why don’t you shut the fuck up, hmn?” Bucky’s eyes were cold. He knew there were a lot of people who considered people like him taboo, and if Clint was one of those people, then Bucky wouldn’t hesitate to set him straight.

“Easy there Barnes. I don’t give a crap about what you do or you you’re doing. All I’m saying is, that guy gives me a weird feeling. He’s different.”

Bucky looked back to him. He had taken his hood off and to Bucky’s surprise, it wasn’t some young fellow like Clint who was still almost a boy, but instead was a young man around his own age. He had stock of light hair and a sharp nose. Bucky couldn’t see his face too clearly, but he was guessing the man was handsome.

“Well, if you ain’t interested, I think I might go try my luck.” He let down his hair and patted down his clothes. “How do I look?”

Clint barked out a laugh. “Like shit. Go get ‘em tiger.”

Bucky rose up from his chair, swaying gently, and the made his way through the empty chair and tables to the other man. He was sitting on a stool, sipping his drink which didn’t look nearly as toxic as the one Bucky had been drinking all night. He casually leaned up next to him.

Damn. He was wrong. The man wasn’t just handsome, but truly flawless. It might just be the alcohol, but the man’s face was doing wonders to Bucky. And when he turned to look at Bucky, his mouth went dry at the sight of blue eyes that were electric and sharp.

“Hey there. What’s a pretty thing like you doing at a place like this so late?” He ran a hand through his dark hair and, even drunk, he didn’t miss the was the man’s eyes followed the movement.

And to Bucky’s delight, the man blushed! He blushed!?! How could a cheesy line coming from a drunken hooligan such as Bucky make a full grown man blush? But even in the dimly lit tavern, Bucky could see the man’s face darken. The sight made Bucky’s pulse quicken.

The light haired man cleared his throat and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “No thank you,” he said. The voice was deep and more confident than Bucky anticipated despite his body language. It caused him to shiver before he fully processed the words.

“What do you mean ‘no thank you’? That doesn’t really answer my question.”

He turned back to fac bucky, his gaze serious but slightly nervous, eyes flicking around the room. What was his deal? “I’m just not interested in what you’re providing.”

Bucky’s mind froze, and then, for some reason, he broke into hysteria. He thought Bucky was trying to sell himself for a night. It was comical. The man’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. “Oh, no, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m not trying to offer you anything. I just thought you could use the company.”

“What about your-oh.”

Bucky turned to where the man was looking to find Clint with his tongue down some girls throat. He chuckled and said, ‘he’s too young for that stuff,” and turned back to the man who was back to staring at his mug. Was he blushing again?<

“You got a name?”

Blue eyes flickered to meet brown ones. He hesitated: a sure sign that what ever name was to follow, is was fake. “Steven.”

Yeah. Right. Steven. That was about as generic as you could get. “Yeah, okay Steven. And my name is tuti fruity.”

‘Steven’ frowned in annoyance once again. “Grant. My name is Grant. And is that a family name? It’s nice. Suits you.”

Bucky gasped in mock horror, and Grants lips quirked up just a little. “Was that a joke? Wow, I’m honored. I wasn’t sure you had it in yah. Color me impressed.” He bowed and was rewarded with Grant pressing his lips together, trying not to smile. “I’m James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.’

“Bucky, huh?” he said with a raised eyebrow.

“What can I say? It’s true. James just didn’t fit.” And then he changed the mood by giving Grant his best smolder. The pupils in the blue eyes dilated. “Grant is nice, but I’ve got to say, I think I like Steve batter.” Grant swallowed and didn’t look away, hypnotized. Got ‘em. He gently brushed the second knuckle of his index finger along Grant’s sharp jawline. “You don’t ind if I call you Steve, do you”

He watched him moisten his pale pink lips and whisper “No, I guess not.” His voice was breathy and low, and the sound made Bucky’s blood hot. What the hell was happening. He couldn’t look away. God he was drunk.

And feeling bold, he gently took his chin and swiped the pad of his thumb against Steve’s lower lip. He could hear his breath hitch. His lips were soft and full, and they parted ever so slightly. “So tell me, what do you do?”

Just like that, the spell was broken. Steve blinked rapidly and jerked away. He mumbled something about having to leave and tossed a coin next to his empty mug, and then he was gone.

Bucky’s heart was racing, and he watched as the heavy door fell shut, the cold air sobering him up. “Damn,” he whispered. He was half hard and uncomfortable in his clothes just by talking to the guy. Gods that was intense.

He tried to calm his breathing, and he turned around to find Clint still kissing the girl furiously. He was briefly thankful that he didn’t see anything. Bucky was done for the night. His father was leaving early in the morning and he had to get back and say good bye to everyone. He walked over to the girl and ripped her none too gently off of Clint.

“Hey! What the hell man? I was just about to-”

“We’re leaving.” He grabbed clint by the forearm and hauled him to his feet. Even protesting, Clint was 3 or 4 years Bucky’s junior and didn’t have the muscle mass to do much of anything. He pulled him out the door before Clint managed to rip his arm free. “What the fuck is your problem?” he snarled. Bucky just rubbed his eyes tiredly. The whole exchange with Steve (or Grant/ They were probably both fake names anyway) left him exhausted and frustrated.

‘I just need to get back. Can you get me back?” Something must have slipped in Bucky’s voice because Clint’s hard eyes softened and he frowned in confusion.

“Yeah, sure thing. I should tuck in for the night too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky settles into his new life.

“You’re not too bad at this, actually,” Bucky’s head snapped to his left to find the snarky blond boy. His was casually eating an apple and strolling beside him. His hair was matted and sweaty as if he has just finished some extreme manual labor. “Funny, I just figured you for one of those bad- at-everything type, but really, you are just full of surprises!” He winked and took a bite out of the red apple.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile at the praise. In his arms was a large assortment of foods. There were goose eggs, pork slices that had large strips of white fat on them, fresh vegetables of sorts he had never seen, crisp fruits and a loaf of warm bread. He still had a few coins in his pockets, too. It was all held in a large wooden basket.

The market was huge. It was bigger than anything he’s ever seen before. There were people of all colors and sorts. Although mostly women, there were a good amount of children running wild through the masses of people. A women whose skin was deep blue edging on black passed him with hair as white as snow, and no one gave her a second glance. Everywhere he’s ever been, people stared at outsiders with mistrust. But then, he’s only really gone to rural areas to collect goods. They sold in bulk, so there was no reason to ever go to city markets and try and sell good to civilians. They were simply the middle men.

Even though he might be ignorant of other people's cultures, he was not foreign to the idea of bartering. The men who his father had traded with were always whining about prices and trying to swindle their way out of an agreement. It wouldn’t be from too deep from the pit if his father pulled something similar himself. And Bucky, ever charming, could always get a good deal.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He paused by a stand full of exotic berries before pressing on, and he narrowly avoided a huge black stallion carrying a well dressed woman.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Clint easily weaved through the shifting crowd. He barely seemed to notice the chaos around him. Spices filled the air and peopled shouted their orders, waving their arms frantically to grab the vendor's attention.

“Shopping,” Bucky replied. He sharply rounded a corner to a whole lane filled with jewels and sparkling rocks. He passed without much interest.

“Well no shit, but I mean, why are you here? You’re obviously not from around here. You look at people weirdly and you don’t speak the same. Plus, you are obviously fascinated with this place. Only tourist are. To me, it’s just a struggle to get some damn bread.”  


“Yeah, not from around here. I’m just taking a little stop, living with my father’s friend. He’s gonna teach me some stuff like how to read.”

Bucky dodged a group of squealing girls who wore pretty dresses with colors of red and orange. He placed his hand in his pocket which contained his coin, just in case.

“Your father’s friend? Who's that?”

“Some old crone. Nicholas Fury. He’s a real pain in my-”

“Nicholas Fury?” His eyes were huge and blue. ‘You are being mentored by...Nicholas Fury? How? Why? That’s unheard of. He hasn’t-” Clint cut himself off, clamping his mouth shut as if he has swallowed a fly.

“You know him?” Bucky was roughly shoved out of the way by a monster of a man with shoulder length hair and full body armor. Bucky pulled Clint into a narrow niche in the wall. “How do you know him? Who is he? My dad just said he was an old friend and no one will answer any of my questions.”

Clint shrugged sheepishly. “Well, I’ve really only heard rumors. You know...he’s sort of a shut in.”

“Are you joking? You practically had a heart attack when I mentioned his name. Just give me some sort of clue who I’m dealing with here.”

Clint nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “I think he was part of the council or something once, that’s all. He had a bit of a rebellious streak? It’s all just gossip though. If you want the truth, just ask him yourself.

Bucky knew he knew more than he was letting on, but he didn’t push it. There was something fishy about Fury, and maybe it just took a pint or too flowing through Clint’s veins to spill his secret. If he wasn’t offering details now, there would be no point in trying to drag it out of him.

“Ask him? Right. I doubt he can remember anything before this morning. The man’s practically senile.” He paused for a moment. “Not that he can’t throw a knife. Gave me a real scare last night.”

He was still trying not to think of last night, and was actually grateful for the list of tasks that Fury had sent him out to do. It helped keep his mind off the loneliness.

“So, what? He’s teaching you how to read? I could do that in my sleep. I can help if you want? I have a lot of free time on my hands, and you seem like a quick learner.’

Bucky glanced suspiciously at Clint. “You know how to read? Why the hell would a kid like you know how to read?”

Clint winked. “In my line of work, it’s helpful to know what I’m stealing.”

Bucky grunted in amusement, But really, who was this kid? He looked and spoke like any other street rat he had ever met, but he kept pulling observations and small skills out of nowhere.

Bucky didn’t think too hard on it.

“I think I’m gonna try and find my way back to Fury’s place. He mentioned something about archery practice...not sure how the old geezer’s gonna be able to make it out of his house much less teach me somethin’.”

Clint’s eyebrows rose. “Oh. Archery? That's cool. You know, I’m pretty good at that stuff.” He casually tucked a small orange fruit into his pocket as they passed a fruit vendor.

"Of course you are. Next thing I know you'll be singing opera and dancing ballet"

“You can’t sing opera? Jeez, what have you been doing all your life?”

“Making skin suits of of alley kids like you.”

“Wow. Lucrative?”

Bucky shoved his way through a large group of angry men shouting in a foreign language. Their eyes were gray and the skin of their face seemed to have a flakey, almost reptilian look. Bucky again tried not to stare. “Quite. In fact, business has never been better. I’m running low on supplies.” He shot Clint a sidelong glance before turning a corner. He hoped he was going in the right direction, but he’s be damned if he was going to ask the light haired squirt

“Hmm. You gonna make one for that blondie?”

Bucky’s head snapped to look at the innocent-faced boy. “What?”

“That man you were drooling over last night. I just figured you would try and woo him with a nice fresh skin suit made from small children. I mean, that’s what I would do...In fact I already have a few people in mind. If you want we could-”

“He wasn’t interested. The guy just up and left right when I thought I was getting somewhere.” Bucky frowned at the thought. He’d been running the scene through his head all morning and still wasn’t able to figure out what the hell went wrong. He had to be missing something. Was it his breath?

“Maybe it was cause you’re just ugly. I mean, the poor man probably just has standards.” They squeezed through a narrow alley, Clint casually taking the lead. Bucky was internally grateful. He’s never been in a city this big.

“Ha, right. Whatever it was, it wasn’t that. I’m the best looking stud I’ve ever seen.” And the blue-eyes man had definitely been smitten. He liked what he saw, Bucky was sure of it. No, something had thrown him off.

“Yeah right. Even a blind girl wouldn’t want to date you. I mean, maybe if you were rich, but it’s painfully obvious that that isn’t the case.”

“I don’t know, Clint. I’d hit it.” Bucky looked up to a sultry voice coming from a woman leaning against a white brick wall. She was curvy with dark red locks of hair braided down the back of her head. Though relaxed in posture and dressed in dark pants and a light brown top, something gleamed in her eyes. She put Bucky on edge despite the fact that he would have otherwise been all over her. Hell, she even looked younger than him, maybe around Clint’s age? But looks could be deceiving.

“Yeah, but you would hit anything,” Clint scoffed, dismissing her with a wave of his hand. Her playful smirk dropped. Pushing herself off the wall, she strode over to them, and somewhere in the back of him mind, Bucky noted that she didn’t reek of the pungent smell he spent all day inhaling at the market of people who didn’t bathe. “Uh, come on Bucky, let’s keep doing.” He pulled at him arm, but the woman easily kept pace with them.

“What are you doing Barton? Stealing valuables again?”

“Pft, right. I’m just walking with my new friend, so you can go now.”

“Oh, Clint, I see. I didn’t know you were...experimenting anymore.”

Clint barked out a laugh and shoved her lightly. “Hey! No fair!”

It suddenly became very clear that Bucky was stuck between two love birds, and it made him want to gag. How had Clint (Barton?) manage to land this woman? She was a woman, after all, and not some girl. “Oh my god, please leave me alone and go fuck it out somewhere. All this sexual tension is killing me.”

The redhead laughed and stopped walking to thrust her hand out. “Natasha.”

Bucky shifted his load from one hand to the other. “Bucky Barnes, ma’am.” He shook her hand and noticed the firm grip.

“Where are you from?” she asked, resuming their previous pace. Just like Clint, she had easily assumed that he wasn’t from the city. Was he that obvious?

“Ah, you know, just around. I like to travel.”

“Oh yeah?” She eyes him, and he shifted uncomfortably. She made him feel like a boy.

“Jeze, ‘Tash, leave the man alone.”

Bucky blushed at being called out. “Um, are we close?”

“Close to where?”

“None of your business,” Clint sang.

“Gods, you are a child.”

“I’m staying with some old man named Nicholas Fury. He lives in some hole in the wall where-”

“Nicholas Fury?” Suddenly Natasha was all ears. Her green eyes were piercing and searching and Bucky found himself quickly averting her gaze. “Why are you staying with Nicholas?”

“You know him?” Obviously. They were on a first name basis! Finally, Bucky might be getting somewhere! Clint kept avoiding all his questions and it was grinding his gears. “What in the pit is his deal? He’s crazy!”

Clint visibly stiffened at the inquiry. Natasha easily rolled her shoulders and then shrugged absently. “I’m not sure.”

And that was all she gave him. Clearly she wasn’t going to let anything slip. Bucky rolled his eyes and muttered “Of course.”

“Hey, listen pal, this city has a lot of people who have a lot of secrets. You can’t expect to get everything on the first day,” Clint tried. He glanced back with a small smile. “Anyway, here we are!” He bowed low and presented a dark wooden door. There showed no signs of anyone living here except for several small windows. One on the second floor jutted out slightly from the stone. That was Bucky slept. It was a small room with a low ceiling and a single cot. The window ended up being closer to the floor and he could look through it when he sat on his mattress.

“Yeah, thanks Clint.” Natasha stayed quiet, but she was clearly itching to come in. “I guess I’ll see you around?” Clint nodded and happily whistled a toon as he began to stroll back the direction they came.

Natasha put her hand on his shoulder and it was so unexpected that he flinched. Leaning in close, she spoke with a serious tone. “Clint means what he says. It’s a different life here sailor. Choose carefully who you trust.”

And then she turning and jogged to catch up with Clint as if nothing happened. Bucky stood stiff. He had never told her that he had been a sailor. Care who he trusted? He wasn't so sure that he trusted Natasha. He closed his eyes once they rounded the corner and let out a breath he hasn’t realized he was holding.

Just a year. Then back to the waves and away from the craziness.

He turning to the door and mentally steeled himself to whatever was on the other side. So far Fury had proved himself extremely unpredictable. This morning he had barely said anything to Bucky and instead grumbled to himself while making some sort of strange tea. Bucky was fine with that.

Slowly pushing open the door, he revealed fury sitting in an old plush chair off to a room in the right reading. He said nothing and did not look up. His eyepatch stood out and Bucky tried to shove the curiosity out of his mind. Nothing good would come of snooping. He put everything on the table and stretched his sore arms. The vibrant color of exotic foods looked strange in the dark kitchen. There were a few candles for light and little else.

“I met some people that seemed to know you,” Bucky casually mentioned.

“Never heard of ‘em.”

“Really? Natasha and Clint seemed to know you pretty well.”

He was expecting some sort of reaction. Anything! He was positive that they knew each other, or at least knew of each other, but once again, he was mistaken. Fury barely grunted and flipped a page of his book. Bucky resisted the urge to snatch the book away and fling it into the ocean. “Said you used to be a prostitute before they took you off the streets. Quite an inspirational story, really. I’d love to hear it from you one day.”

At this, Fury looked up, his eyebrows slanted down in a wistful visage. “Ah, yes, I remember those days like they were yesterday. But make no mistake, James: prostitution is a noble cause. Perhaps I will incorporate it into your lessons. I’m sure it would come in handy, what with you around all those other men without a proper woman to show them a good night.”

“No need,” Bucky growled, “I’m already pretty experienced. Most dames I’ve met could attest to that”

“And men?” Fury looked at him with boredom, but his uncovered eye betrayed him interest in the answer.

Bucky lifted his chin proudly. “Oh course.”  


Fury rolled his eyes and nestled deeper into the chair. “Yes, I figured. You do seem the type to take whatever you can get your hands on.”

Bucky shrugged. “Never thought an old man would be so interested in my sex life. Word of advice; It’s kinda a turn off when you appear too desperate.”

At this Fury sneered, and Bucky felt a pang of victory at being able to drag a reaction of of him. He blinked in surprise at the realization that he was having...fun. With this old crotchety man! He scowled at the thought. “You taking me to shoot or what?”

“Or what.”

“Good. You might break your spine trying to get out of that chair. It’s practically eaten you alive.”

Fury said nothing, his eyes returning to his words.

**************************

“So? Are you gonna go say something?”

“No.”

“Are you kidding me? Look at him! Go it him!”

“Stop.”

“Clint’s got a point, Barnes. I mean, the guy’s good looking. If you don’t, I think I will.”

“Be my guest. I spent three hours straight getting hounded by Fury because I wasn’t forming the letter ‘k’ right. I really don’t feel like solving that puzzle right now.” Bucky took another long drink out of Clint’s flask and stretched his back along the tree he was leaning against. They were several miles out from the city with food and drink. They were sitting in the branches of a strong thick tree overlooking a small farm and barn with wide leaves providing them shade. The sun was high in the sky and Bucky felt warm and drowsy.

Then, the man from the bar had come out of nowhere. He hadn’t thought about him for several weeks, much less seen him. There were plenty other charming people in Mu that didn’t scamper away from Bucky. However, when Steve came riding out of the trees from across the field, Bucky had to take a double take. He was on a huge dapple grey horse wearing a loose shirt that exposed his arms, and Natasha practically fell out of the tree laughing at his expression. If his jaw dropped slightly and his mouth went dry, it was just because of the whiskey.

He disappeared into the cabin for a couple minutes while Bucky desperately tried to change the subject and then reemerged with a little old woman and a shovel. He proceeded to start digging out a small tree that was growing next to the house.

“Come on Bucky, for me?” Clint pleaded. “It was your first night here! In memory of you entering our lives!”

“And getting rejected.”

“From the way you tell it, he was interested,” Natasha so helpfully pointed out.

“Obviously not.”

“Yeah, otherwise he’s be hitting that fine piece of meat,” Clint sniggered.

“I thought you weren’t into men,” Natasha quipped.

“Yeah, but I don’t have to be. I just have to have eyes.”

“You guys would be so hot together,” Nat whined. Bucky cringed.

“Nat, I think you’re drunk.”

She snorted. “Yeah, that’s kinda the point,” she said shaking the flask.

Bucky rolled his eyes and looked back to Steve. He was looking down at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck as the old woman laughed at something. He looked like a small child stuck in a adult’s body. A tall, well muscled body. And fuck, Bucky was having trouble not looking at his strong shoulders and chest. His long brown pants weren’t doing much for him, but he could still make out the gentle curve of his ass. Steve stretched out his back and tilted his head to expose a slender throat. Bucky swallowed at the sight.

“Gods, you’re drooling Buck.” He scowled at Natasha and snatched the flask away from her, but before he could take a sip it was taken out of his hands by Clint.

“What If we just pushed you out of the tree right now?” Clint chuckled at the idea.

“Remember how I mentioned my skin suit business?”

But Clint didn’t have time to respond before a hand shoved Bucky off the branch. He let out a startled yelp and he fell through thick red leaves and hit the ground with a hard thud. Dead leaves from Winter cushioned his fall, but it still knocked the wind out of him. Within the span of a second, he went from laxed muscles and air in his lungs to flat on his back watching Natasha and Clint literally leap away through the fuckin trees, and no air in lungs.

He still managed to gasp out “Fuck you guys”. He hoped they heard him through him heaving for air.

By the time he managed to inhale a full breath, a hesitant voice call out to him. “Are you okay?” Bucky’ heart froze. Shit. He had completely forgotten about Steve. Tilting his head backwards, he saw the tall blond standing a few meters away looking concerned. “I saw you...fall from the...tree.”

Bucky grinned up at him, hoping it looked charming and not delusional. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. You know how it is. One moment you’re up in a tree-”He took a deep breath.

“The next moment you’re not. Yeah, happens all the time.” Steve offered a small smile, and Bucky’s lips quirked up at the sight. “Need some help?”

Charming it was then. “Nah, I’m okay.” He pushed himself off the ground with a grunt and brushed off the leaves stuck to his ass. “You know, it’s funny. Normally angels fall from heaven, not the other way around. But where else could I be with an angle like you.”

Steve frowned at the advance, and the small step backwards didn't go unnoticed by Bucky. Great. Another repeat of that first night. Steve eyed him carefully as if was scared of him. “That was pretty awful.”

“It’s just my charm.” Bucky resisted the urge to wink. He hadn’t run away yet. That was good.

“Who’s your friend, Steve?” The voice was soft and strong, but the woman was old and small with light skin and short, curly hair. He hadn’t even noticed her come up.

“This is...Bucky?” Bucky smiled and nodded. At least he remembered his name. That would have been embarrassing. “Bucky, this is Peggy.” The way he said her name was with great care and affection. “He just fell from this tree here,” Steve said.  


“Naturally.” She smiled up at him and Bucky immediately liked her. “Steven here was just helping me with a few chores. Would you like to come in? I have some fresh baked bread that might interest you.”

“I don’t know Peggy,” Steve began, and Bucky’s heart sank. “He might be a thief or some sort of blood sucker for all we know.” He short Bucky a small grin and his heart skipped, his face flushing slightly at the sight. What the hell was wrong with him?

She patted Steve’s chest. “Well that’s why I keep you around. Now come along Bucky. That’s an interesting name. Are you from here?”

Steve rolled his eyes easily and put his hand on the small of the woman’s back, guiding her back to the house. He was momentarily distracted by how comfortable Steve was around her, and how tense he had been with him.

“Er, it’s James, actually.I just go by Bucky.” He walked with them, and somewhere in the back of his mind he heard snickers coming from the trees behind him. He ignored them.

“Oh, I love the name James. It’s such a handsome name, suitable for such a handsome boy. Don’t you agree Steven?” Steve’s eyes widened at being put on the spot and he blushed a bright pink. Ah, he had forgotten than Steve was a blusher.

“Yeah Steven,” Bucky teased, “Don’t you agree?”

Steve reddened even more. “Peggy,” he whined, as a child would to their mother. Bucky laughed at the thought.

“Steven, how can you expect to call a woman beautiful if you can’t even admit that this young man is handsome. You can fight all the hydras you want, but it takes real guts to compliment someone truthfully.”

“Gods, Peggy,” grumbled steve, hiding his face in his hands. Bucky would’ve laughed, but the sight of Steve all flustered made bucky’s heart clench momentarily. He caught himself staring at the blond man, wanting to be the one to make Steve laugh and blush. He was caught off guard by the sudden wave of emotion and tried to shove the thought away.

“Bucky, you strike me as a young bachelor. Don’t you agree? Isn’t Steve so handsome?”

His blue eyes peaked out from his dark eyelashes for a split second meeting Bucky’s. He quickly looked away. “Yeah. He is.”

Steve didn’t look at him, but that didn’t bother Bucky. One look at his face told him all he needed.

They got to the small cabin and Peggy opened the door. Steve let Bucky in first. The smell was the first thing he noticed. It was warm and sweet and it filled up the entire house. The kitchen was small and had many windows that the sun shone through. It was a fairytale compared to Fury’s place. On a small wooden table sat two golden loaves of bread. One had already been cut into. His mouth watered just looking at it.

“Sit. I’ll cut you some bread.”

Bucky happily sat down across from Peggy and Steve handed her a knife. “Thank you darling.” Stave didn’t look like there was anything unusual about the nickname, and Bucky wondered if he was sitting across from the man’s grandmother. They didn’t look very much alike, but that didn’t mean anything. Her face was worn from the sun and old age and she was 2 generations older than him. Still, they acted as if they were family. Or what Bucky assumed family acted like. He had the crew and his dad, but neither seemed close to what a grandmother was like. Envy creeped up his spine, but he shoved the thought down. He would never trade his life on the water for anything else, even if it was a cozy barn in the forest with fresh baked bread. Though, it was nice to be invited to share a glimpse of Steve’s life.

And god, the bread was amazing. Bucky moaned indecently at the first bite and Peggy laughed. “I’m glad you like it.” He wolfed down the rest of his slice and no sooner was he done than she was cutting another out for him.

“So, you too seem to know each other. How did you meet?”

Bucky swallowed the last bite of bread. He didn't need to look at Steve to know his eyebrows were furrowed together like two worried caterpillars. He didn’t know Peggy well enough to know what to say, so he stayed quiet and gratefully took another piece of bread.

Steve, realizing he was going to have to speak, cleared his throat. “Oh, well, you know. I just ran into him in the city. We...um…” He was struggling and embarrassed and it was Bucky’s fault.

“We had drinks. It was nice.” He glanced at Steve, but he didn’t look his way. His eyes were fixed on a small chip in the wood with his lips pressed tight. For once, he wasn’t blushing. In fact, he looked a little pale.

Peggy didn't notice though. She smiled happily. “Well I’m glad you two met. These days, you never know when you need a friend.”

Bucky nodded and they fell into a silence. Peggy was humming happily, picking at her bread. Steve...well, Steve looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. In the quiet, Bucky went from a guest to an intruder. Something happened that night. Bucky was missing something very important, he was sure of it.

What he did know, though, was at that moment, Bucky didn’t really feel like a friend.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get interesting.

“I think that I should head out. The bread was really good, but I have some friends waiting for me, so…”

“Oh, but you just got here! Scarf down my bread and leave, huh.”

“Oh, that’s not - the bread was so good. It’s just that I-”

Peggy waved her hand, cutting him off. “Oh, I’m just pulling your leg. Run along dear.”

Bucky laughed nervously. Steve was tense and it was making Bucky tense too. The other man stood up and shook his hand. His eyes were guarded and his mouth relaxed to a neutral expression. “Nice to see you,” he said, and nodded once.

Bucky smiled softly despite the sudden mood change. The guy was all over the place, but he was still smoldering hot. “Maybe I’ll see you around. Who knows?”

“Yeah, who knows.”

 

“So? How’d it go? Did you guys make passionate love?”

Bucky considered the question. “It went...not as good as I’d hoped, but not as bad as I was expecting.” He shrugged.

“Did you guys talk?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah. I think I met his grandmother or something.”

“No. Did you talk about...what happened?”

Bucky frowned at the question. He kicked a thick green pinecone as they walked back to Mu through the woods. “To be honest, I still don’t really know what happened myself.”

She scoffed and flung her arms in the air. “Of course! Why would I assume two men would be able to talk about their problems?”

“Nat, they don’t have ‘problems’. He literally has met the guy twice, and need I remind you about the fine two ladies he met a couple weeks ago, both on the same night?” Clint’s statement didn’t make him feel any better. Why was he putting so much thought into some random guy? It’s not like he’s been deprived in anyway of distractions. The man was attractive, yes, but so were a thousand other people in the huge capital. He didn’t ponder over them, though. He pondered over Steve.

Maybe it was because he seemed so...different. He was a strong young man who was shy and flustered easily. He took care of some little old lady out in the middle of the woods, and grandmother or not, that was not something you saw every day. Maybe in older villages or in rural ports and such, but in such a busy place, why bother when there is beer to be drunk, women to fuck, and adventures to go on. That was the philosophy of many. Bucky included to some extent. And he didn’t know Steve well enough to judge, but he just seemed separate from that. As if helping Peggy dig out her weeds wasn’t something that he had to think about.

And then, there was also the fact that he really didn’t know anything about him at all. The troubling part was that he wanted to. He wanted to make those pale lips smile. He wanted to make his cheeks blush and his eyes curve up when he laughed. He wanted to see the heat in dilated pupils and his hips roll. Fuck.

“Let’s not talk about this anymore. When are you two gonna finally get busy?”

“Oh no Bucky!” Clint quickly rebutted, “You don’t get away that easily. Tell us what happened in there!”

Bucky grimaced. "Well, we talked a little about nothing really. And the lady, Peggy, she served us some bread And-”

“Peggy?” Natasha asked, interested. Bucky got a sense that he’d been in this exact moment when her swamp green eyes locked onto him the way they did when she was completely focused.

Bucky played it dumb. “Yeah, some old lady. Maybe Steve’s grandmother?”

Nat shook her head ‘no’. Bucky was thrilled. She was actually telling him something instead of her usual hush-hush attitude. “No, she’s a former member of the royal council.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped at that. “ What?” Natasha nodded, her eyebrows narrowed in concentration. “How did you not recognize her before? That seems like someone’s face who you should remember.”

“How can you remember something you've never seen?” replied Clint. “Sometimes I forget how new you are. Tell me, in you month living here, have you ever seen the King’s face?”

Bucky opened his mouth to stubbornly reply that ‘yes he’s seen his own king’s face, but nothing came to mind. Perhaps an old white man? With a beard? Maybe he’s seen a painting. He couldn’t be sure.

“That’s what I thought. Most regular people living here will never lay their eyes on royalty their entire lives.”

Bucky gaped at Clint, but the boy’s face was calm and truthful. “How is that even possible? I thought that the king delivered speeches to everyone all the time!”

“Oh, that’s just in fairy tales. There are countless small, independent kingdoms that have a hundred assassins trained in archery just waiting for the chance. It makes sense. And no one really misses them. I mean, the less people see them, the less they think to blame their problems on them.”

“And even if they are a little secluded, it doesn’t mean they aren’t doing an okay job. I mean, we’ve live in peace for so long.”

Bucky frowned. “So, you’ve never seen anyone? Not the king or queen? Or the 3 sons? And that random old lady was...part of the royal court?”

Clint shrugged and looked at Natasha. She nodded in confirmation. “Retired. I doubt she knows anything important anymore.”

“But if you know who she is, then have you seen them? Royalty?”

It’s simply coincidence that I know who she is. It’s not like I’m best friends with the king.”

They walked in silence for a while. At one point Bucky grumbled, “I can’t believe you guys pushed me out of a tree.” He just got laughter from that.

“It’s interesting that Steve was hanging out with a former council member,” Clint absentmindedly stated. Bucky frowned at that. It was strange, now that he thought about it. It just added another layer to the puzzle. He has received nothing besides his name. But he must be someone important or why would he be visiting her if they weren’t related? But if he were someone of status, why the hell would he have been at the bar that night?

“I’ve spoken to him twice now and I still don’t know anything about the man. It’s almost like he’s hiding something, and now he’s helping out Peggy with random house chores as if he does it all the time. It’s a little weird. Or am I thinking too much into this?”

“Some people don’t like to spill their life’s story to random strangers who try and seduce them, Bucky. Perhaps he’s just cautious,” Natasha pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot that you tried to sleep with the guy!” Clint laughed. “I guess the little old lady was a bit of a cock block. Unless she was into it? I mean, that could be interesting. Maybe a little-”

“What the hell is wrong with you Barton?"

“Heh, sorry.”

They made their way back into the North side of the city. Bucky hadn’t realized how big it truly was until they had all gone exploring a week or two ago. It was rather hilly with buildings cramped together and people in every nook and cranny. It was shaped like an egg with the longer sides stretching from the East to West. To the West, the water hit the coast. Countless ports and ships came through every day though a small harbor. That was Bucky’s favorite spot. It hosted an abundance of people and it was always loud and vulgar. Working women stood at the corners in broad daylight and the air smelled of salt and exotic spices as well as body odor and excrements. However, it was the poorest side of the city, plagued with crime.

Then, to the South, the land raised sharply into the beginning of a long chain of jagged mountains that marked off the end of the content. It’s rocks were dark blue in color and the hardest mineral in the vicinity. It took a specific metal to mine it and was a very expensive process in all. On the other side of the mountains, the sea was broken up into thousands of small islands where small villages lived and made their livings fishing. However, it was extremely dangerous to cross the colossal blue mountains and offered good protection.

To the North there was a vast expanse of forest. It took weeks to travel through it on horse. It offered fertile hunting grounds as well as trees for buildings. Not much was known about the deep forest, but there were rumors of mystical beings that roamed, living with the animals. However, there is one road that cuts through offering a safe path for farmers and travelers as well as a convenient way for troops to move quickly. Clint told Bucky that it lead to a valley of farms as far as the eyes could see.

Finally, the East and most narrow part of the city. It was left unprotected by any geological forms. This is made up for by a colossal wall made of blue stone from the Southern mountains. Bucky was yet to see the wall himself, but Clint, ever knowledgeable, spoke of impossibly large slabs of rock hauled to the wall every year to add onto it. The thing was said to be an ugly display of hulking power. Not only for protection, but for intimidation. This side of the city held the most wealth and was also where a castle sat, housing the royal family as well as many other important figures.

Fury’s house was somewhat in the middle. It was hard to tell with the city being so big, but if Bucky had to guess, he would say it was more to the Western side, but not so much that he could claim that he was from the West. Which he wasn’t anyway.

It takes about 2 hours to reach the labyrinth from the very northern edge of the city by foot. However, Clint and Natasha were able to get a carriage to take them to the market place where they were dropped off. It was an easy walk from there. On their ride back, they didn’t talk about Steve anymore for which Bucky was thankful.

And yet, it wasn’t long before he ran into him again though. Maybe a week or two? Bucky wasn't sure. It was as if fate kept throwing them together. And god he was beginning to hate it.

Bucky was alone and a little drunk, but the night was young and the girl on his lap was cute and bubbly. He liked the little beads in her hair and the kohl that lined her eyes. They were almond shaped and deep brown. His arms were sore from helping Nick haul around some wood in the forest for who knows what reason. And his brain was mush from studying basic books for the rest of the day. It was the first time he’s been out in several days and hadn’t seen much of Clint or Natasha, but sometimes they disappeared for a while. It was a big city after all.

With ale flowing through his veins and loosening up his muscles, things were looking up. It was a particularly quiet night for the tavern and Bucky sat with the girl in a small corner table. Her thighs were plump and dark with white markings tattooed on. He traced them with his fingers and she shivered on top of him. “I like you,” he murmured against her neck, his fingers ghosting up and down the side of her thigh. “You’re prettier than most girls I see around here.”

“Well I’m not most girls,” she smirked, running a hand through his dark hair. “Why do you keep it so long? I think it would look nice short”

He hummed deep in his throat, content with the moment. “Maybe you should take me to your place and cut it for me.” Smooth.

But she must have found it amusing anyway because she chucked a light, feathery sound and stood up, offering her hand out to him to help him out of his seat. “Well maybe I will. But only because it keeps covering up those pretty eyes.”

He gently grasped her hand and pushed himself off from the chair. He wasn’t drunk enough to sway, but he was drunk enough for a goofy smile to spread across his lips. “You make a compelling argument.” She laughed again. He liked the sound, and pecked him on the lips. A preview for what was yet to come.

But apparently it wasn’t meant to be. There was shouting from outside the tavern, and Bucky just managed to grasp the word “-Fucker!-” It wasn't the word, but the voice. He nearly rolled his eyes into the back of his head as soon as he recognized the sound. Because of course it was Steve about to ruin this for him. The girl briefly looked out the door and Bucky knew he wouldn’t be able to leave Steve until he knew he was okay.

Bucky walked past the girl to look outside just in time to see the blond man with wide blue eyes being dragged around a corner by 2 men. Bucky heard a startled gasp come from the girl. No. That was himself.

A small hand rested on his shoulder. “Just leave it. People fight all the time. It’s not a big deal.” And her voice was soft and velvet, but it didn’t calm him, his eye still staring into the darkness where Steve disappeared a couple seconds ago. He could hear their voices, distorted by echoes.

“No, I-I know him. I have to go. I’m sorry.” Bucky pulled away from the girl, cast her a small apologetic smile to her gaping mouth and angry brows and sprinted off, dashing through the alley. He felt a bit bad. He had liked her. But he had a bad feeling about those men. It didn't look like any regular drunken brawl. It looked...Bucky didn’t know, but it was enough for him to break out in a cold sweat.

He whipped around the corner to see Steve with both his arms pinned behind his back by a burly man with a huge mustache that seemed to completely cover his upper lip. The other unknown man pulled back his arm and slammed it into Steve's ribs. But that sight was nothing compared to Steve’s face. His lips were snarling and his eyes were wild and furious, spit flying out of his mouth as he struggled madly for freedom. There was no fear or pain. Only untamed anger.

Before anyone took notice of him Bucky took a running start and slammed his shoulder into the back of the man who punched Steve. He heard a surprised grunt as the man toppled into the one with the mustache. He let go of Steve who whipped around and landed a monster punch right into Mustache's nose. Bucky heard a sharp crack and blood splattered everywhere. The man Bucky had hit was up again though and he snarled at Bucky and pulled out a short dagger he had concealed in this robes. Bucky took several steps back and Steve cursed, patting himself down as if he had a weapon but it got lost along the way.

“You just got yourself in a world of trouble, boy.” A bump on his head was already swelling and his eyes were glazed and crazy. “I doubt you even know who this man is. Just wanted to be a hero, huh?” He took a step forward, the knife gleaming in the moonlight. The man was blocking their exit but maybe if the turned around and tried to loose him in the labyrinth? No, as soon as they turned their back a knife would be in it. But if they didn’t do something…

“Hey Jared, my old friend. How’s the foot?” Bucky’s eyes, and everyone else’s, snapped behind the man to find a red haired girl leaning casually against the wall. The dim light of the tavern made her sharp green eyes even more menacing.

“Natasha,” Bucky sighed in relief at the same time the man turned around and spat her name out in disgust. Steve said nothing and Bucky noticed he was cradling his hand to his chest. The man he had punched was on the ground and unmoving.

But she left little time for any more small talk. Within a second of her name leaving Bucky’s lips, her leg swung in a graceful arch and pounded her foot into his temple. His head bounced off the wall with a hollow thud and slammed into the ground without anything to lessen the fall. At that, Bucky had to turn away. He wasn’t used to seeing someone taken out so ruthlessly and efficiently. He felt his stomach roll as he replayed the scene behind his eyes.

“You shouldn’t be here Steven.” The words were unfeeling but not malice. Bucky looked at Steve, confused. His head was spinning slightly. Why would she say something like that? And she had called him Steven like Peggy had.

“Neither should you be, Natasha.”

“What?” cracked out Bucky before he even knew what he was saying. How did he know her name? As far as he was concerned, she had never met him before. But once again, Bucky seemed to be in the dark.

Steve glanced at Bucky and his eyes widened slightly, as if he had completely forgotten that Bucky was here. He dropped his arms to his side, his left hand clenched and his right hand limp. It had dark liquid dripping from the tip of his fingers. He quickly looked away back to Natasha. “And I can handle myself. Stop following me.”

Natasha snorted and gestured to the two men lying on the ground, unconscious. Bucky prayed they were unconscious. “Is this what you call handling yourself? You were getting beaten to a pulp before he saved your ass.” She didn’t grace Bucky with a single glance. “You didn’t even call for help. Gods, it’s like you wanted to be found dead on the streets.”

“They weren’t going to kill me. They had their chance and didn’t take it.”

“You know as well as I do that sometimes they just like to make you suffer.” Her eyes narrowed and Bucky’s urge to call to attention the fact that he was completely lost withered away in his throat.

Steve’s jaw worked as he ground his teeth together, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he looked away to glare at the men on the ground. After a moment’s pause, his shoulders sagged and his eyes slipped shut. He clutched his side and began to tilt to one side, as if he had suddenly fallen asleep. Out of instinct, Bucky reached out to grab his elbow, steadying him. Steve tensed momentarily but didn’t open his eyes. In fact, he leaned slightly into Bucky’s grip.

Bucky turned to Natasha who was eyeing him warily as if meeting him for the first him. He kept his hand on Steve. “Nat, please,” he tried, his voice coming out weaker than he expected, “Tell me what’s going on here.”

She showed no expression on her face, but the fact that she didn’t respond right away meant that she was thinking. And Bucky’s heart sped up for a moment, foolishly thinking she would tell him anything. But to his surprise, Steve spoke up first. “I think that maybe we should all part ways for tonight.” His voice was rough and his eyes were still closed. His breath was coming out in short broken bursts.

“You are in no condition to be out on the roads looking like that. You think you’ll be able to even make it back?” Natasha scolded.

“Yes,” he grunted stubbornly, opening up those steel blue eyes, glossy and reflective in the night.

“You’re a joke, Steven. You can barely walk. I can’t let you go like that. I must come with you.”

“I’m not-” Steve cut himself off, eyes drooping once more, but this time it looked unintentional. One of his knees buckled and Bucky was quickly hooking his free arm around Steve's back and under his armpit, keeping the other firmly gripped his arm. He was much heavier than expected though, and Bucky grunted with the full weight on him in his arms, his warm back pressed up against his chest.

Luckily, Steve wasn't out for long. He recovered quickly and regained his balance before he dragged both of them down. Of course, by then they were flush together and he had twisted to wrap a hand around Bucky’s neck. It was calloused and large, and Steve’s eyes were wide and blue, staring into Bucky’s. They blinked slowly, his body not moving as if trying to remember where he was and how he’s gotten here. “Careful there Steve,” Bucky murmured, not breaking eye contact. His blood was rushing through his ears and he his face was warm. Steve wasn’t blushing though. “I gotcha. Take it nice and slow.”

“Concussed,” Natasha’s voice announced, slicing the silence. Steve practically jumped out of Bucky's arms, wincing at the sharp movement. “Steve, you need to see a healer. Now.”

A healer? But only the wealthy are able to afford highly skilled tasks men such as healers. There were so many things going on, and with Steve just staring at him the way he was not two seconds ago, Bucky was in no state to contemplate them.

Steve leaned into the filthy wall and rested his head against it. “Yeah, yeah okay,” he resigned. He swallowed and Bucky’s eyes couldn’t help but follow the movement of his Adam's apple bobbing slightly. His eyes flicked up to find Steve looking up at him through his eyelashes. They held it for just a second before Steve looked away, back to Natasha. The moment had Bucky’s stomach twisting in knots and his lips twitching upward in a smile. It couldn’t be explained.

Nat’s eyes, unfortunately, were trained on Bucky with that cold stare she sometimes got. Her mouth was natural, her shoulders relaxed. The only thing that betrayed her were the green orbs that practically impaled Bucky’s soul with mistrust. “You should be getting home Bucky.” _You can’t come with us. Now beat it_.

“Are you kidding me?! I almost just got stabbed trying to save this lunatic. He can barely walk on his own, and I have trouble believing that you can protect him while also trying to keep him upright so he doesn't give kill himself falling down some stairs as he randomly passes out!” His voice was dropped to an angry whisper by the end when he realized how worked up he was getting. But honestly, what was the big secret here? He was tired and frustrated and he needed some answers!

But Natasha was not one to simply roll over. Her calm composure cracked as she snarled and stepped toward him with her fist clenched. “Stop trying to stick your nose where is doesn’t belong and let it go. You are acting like a child.” Despite her posture, her voice was deadly calm.

“My god's, Nat, we known each other for months now! Do you still not trust me even a little?”

“No.” Her answer was like a slap to the face. His anger dissolved, and his heart twisted up. She must have seen something in his face because she had to look away. “Go home, Bucky. It’s late and you’re drunk. I can take care of Steven.”

“It’s probably for the Best, Bucky.” Steve’s voice was quiet and rough and his eyes were watering from the pain. His left hand had gone back to cradling his other hand. Bucky could now see that it was already swollen and purple. The blood smearing over didn’t seem to be his. He was slightly hunched over from the pain in his ribs. Bucky felt something tug at the sight of him. He looked very different from the other two times he’s seen him. But fuck, still just as beautiful.

Bucky’s face heated up with the thought and the realization he’s been staring. Maybe he should just go home. He’ll sleep it off and think over things with a clear mind. Maybe he’s ask around. “Fine,” he signed. And to Natasha, he warned, “Don’t think I’m letting this go, though.”

“The thought never crossed my mind,” she muttered, but gratefulness shown through her eyes. Bucky took one last look at Steve. He’d closed his eyes again, but his breathing seemed to be back under control. “I’m guessing I’ll see you soon, Steve.” He didn’t wait for a reply. With his head up, he strode past Natasha, but not before murmuring a ‘be safe’. If she didn't trust him, then that was because she had her own issues. But somehow it didn’t stop him from trusting her. She was doing what she thought was right and Bucky had to respect her for it, even though it meant keeping the truth hidden from him.

He rounded the corner and walked the long alleyway before turning once more to see the light of the tavern shining through the cracks of the old door. Standing there nervously was the woman he’s met before. He stopped in surprise. She must have felt his eyes on her because she looked up and smiled in relief. “I know. It’s strange to wait up for someone you just met. But I was worried because...people get killed in these parts. So I just…” She fades off and smiled sheepishly.

Bucky’s lips curled up in an honest smile. “No, no. Thank you. It’s nice.” She smiled at that and looked him over. He looked down at himself. His clothing was a little bit rumpled and he had smal dropped or scarlet stained onto his shirt. “Should’ve seen the other guy,” he joked, and she smiled.

“What happened?” She wrapped her arms around herself. The sun had dimmed hours ago and the nights were cool in the city.

“To be honest, I’m not even sure myself.” Bucky frowned a little and scratched his head. Steve and Natasha must have gone the other way because he heard only silence behind him. He briefly wondered what was going to happen to the two men.

“Maybe tell me over a drink?” She smiled and bit her lip shyly. She was very beautiful. The white lines racing up her bare arms shone in the darkness. “Or if you want, we could stick to our original plan?”

Bucky sighed. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood anymore. The whole thing had left him exhausted and he felt like the best thing to do was go back to his little hole in the wall and sleep for eternity. But this beautiful woman was offering to stay up with him, and in his experience, sometimes women liked talking just as much as they liked being kissed like that and touched like this. “I might have to take up your offer about the drink?” It ended up coming off as a question, but she nodded and boldly took his hand to pull him into the warm light.


	6. Chapter 6

The castiel was huge. In fact, it was barely a castiel at all. Clint was telling the truth when he said it was build into the wall. The blue rock glistened in the afternoon light, still damp from rain from earlier that day. It was enclosed by a low wall, also made of blue stone. However, this one was smooth and inviting with vines growing up the cracks and flowers blooming proudly, reaching up toward the sun.

It was separated from other lavish homes by a small sort of part. Looking from the opposite end you could just see the tops of the taller towers. The trees were large and exotic, not like the native vegetation where Bucky, Clint, and Natasha spent most of their time. They were grand things with deep red leaves dripping lazily down to the ground and a white flower frosting. There was no need to follow paths worn down from years of trampling because there was little undergrowth. The bushes were full of fruit and flowers which made the air sweet. Birds chirped and fluttered through the air, and small woodland creatures scurried into their burrows as Fury stomped through their home like some sort of enraged giant. Bucky tried to ignore his sporadic cursing and enjoy the trip. He definitely tried to ignore his heart that seemed as if it were trying to punch through his ribcage. He was dressed in black trousers and a flowing white shirt that buttoned. It buttoned! His would have been worried about his shoes getting muddy, but Fury didn’t seem to notice as he stormed through yet another brown sludge puddle, so Bucky tried not to care too much.

He was going to need his head when he spoke to the commissioner of trades. When Fury offhandedly noted that they would be discussing his father's shipment of fine silk coming in 8 months, Bucky nearly spat out his potato soup all over the table. He hounded Fury all night with questions, but Fury simply waved him off as if he were an aggravating nat that kept flying into his ear. “I’m an old man, let me rest damn it!” he had cried, refusing to acknowledge any of Bucky’s questions. The thought paced restlessly around Bucky’s head for weeks, never mentioned again by Fury until one stormy morning he woke Bucky up before the sun was out, yelling at him that they were late and that Bucky should’ve reminded him sooner and how was he suppose to become a man if he couldn’t remember simple appointments and-Bucky had stopped listening to him after that.

In their carriage, Fury babbled about the history of Mu and how to act around nobles as to not offend them with Bucky’s lowly presence, but by then there was no use. The view of out the window was a blur as he tried to remember what Clint and Natasha was said about the royal family and if they had ever mentioned any current council members or anything useful, but nothing came. He knew there were three sons, but he couldn’t recall any of their names.

When he realized that it was futile to try and remember things he never knew in the first place, he tried to remember everything his father ever taught him about bartering. Bartering, and silk. The huge shipment of silk would arrive from Katu in vibrant colors and varying textures and thickness. For whatever reason, the council was interesting in buying a certain type of the fabric and Fury had somehow caught word of it floating through the wind. They were jumping on the chance to sell their fabric to the wealthiest families in the world.

“And listen Barnes, don’t stick your nose into anything besides your mission. Those in the castle have their secrets and I don’t indent to stick my neck out for you in any way because you went sniffing around where you don’t belong. If that cute little servant winks at you, do not pursue. If there happens to be a delicious smelling meal in that room with the big doors, do not pursue. If you see someone that you think you might have seen once before that one time,-”

“Do not pursue. I get it. I’m not a child, Nick.”

“This is serious business, Barnes.” And even his covered eye seemed to gab him by the shirt collar and shake him. The ‘don’t fuck this up’ was left unsaid.

By the time they got to the gate, Bucky was perspiring slightly. The air was cool but full of moisture and it made his hair fluff up and stick to his neck. He resisted the urge to retie it. The two guards standing post in front of the huge wooden gates stepped up to them and inquired about their business here.

“I’m Nicholas Fury you fools, now get out of the way.” And Bucky had never seen anyone scrabble so quickly to open the doors. Bucky didn’t question it. He just assumed he wouldn’t get a straight answer anyway. The castle was enough to draw his attention back to the task at hand.

Getting in was surprisingly easy. Fury simply shouted at a few guards and sent a few innocent servants scurrying, and then there was a smooth spoken gentleman who guided them to a large room filled with dark wooden furniture with smooth draped framing large windows overlooking the forest.

“So are you gonna tell me what exactly I suppose to do here? I mostly deal with people who barely speak English. The king isn’t exactly my specialty.”

“On, don’t worry about talking to the king, my dear. We would be in ruins if I let him handle things like this,” mused a smooth voice. Bucky spun from the huge window to see a tall blonde woman with bright blue eyes and a soft smirk. His voice caught in his throat. She was older than him but still gorgeous. Her gown was a deep blue with purple accents and a small crown sat on her head.

Bucky’s jaw literally dropped. She hesitated, as if expecting something, but Fury didn’t seem to notice. “Yes, hello Pepper. This is James. I’m simply the tour guide, so if you don’t mind I think I’ll have a shot at the pastries. He was already making his way to the door when Bucky realized that he was standing in front of the queen herself. He quickly bend at his waist, bowing deep.

“Oh, none of that my child. We are here to discuss business. And please, help yourself, Nicholas. It’s always a pleasure.”

Bucky’s lips quirked up at her words and rose up, blushing slightly. He hoped he didn’t just make a fool of himself, but she seemed so regal and put together. Suddenly Bucky felt self conscious about his muddy shoes and casual clothes. Well, they were fancy to him, but next to her majesty, he felt like a simpleton. He wasn’t exactly surprised to find that Fury knew the Queen and neither was his bluntness, but his ears still heated in shame of the old man. Was he trying to get hanged?

Fury merely grunted and strode past the Queen as if he owned the place. Bucky grinned sheepishly. “Heh, sorry about that. His mind is starting to go,” he joked. The queen barked out a short laugh that startled Bucky so badly he flinched.

“Ah, Nick has always been like that. Age hasn’t done that to him. He’s always been a little grumpy. And please, call me Pepper. That’s my name, anyhow.” She gestured to the wooden table. “Please, have a seat. I must admit that I won’t be able to discuss much. I have other matters to attend to. However, that’s the reason I had children. I figured I would stop by anyway.” She smiled apologetically and Bucky remained standing. He heard somewhere that you should stand in the presence of royalty. However, he also heard they were all inbred and rude, so Pepper didn’t seem to be regular royalty, whatever that meant.

“I’m honored. Thank you,” he said, and he really meant it. Clint said that most people never even lay eyes on her, and now they are in a room together having a conversation. Bucky’s heart was beating a little too fast. However, she seemed quite at ease. And why shouldn’t she? She could have him killed with a snap of her fingers. Something told Bucky that despite her easy attitude, she was not someone to be messed with.

She smiled at him again and shrugged, taking a seat. He felt akward stadning there, so he joined her as well. Her eyes focused at him with all of her attention. It made him slightly uneasy, but the action seemed familiar. Natasha had a similar look to her, but Natasha seemed to be plotting to kill you whereas Pepper was simply watching. It reminded him of…

“So, James, you are your father’s representative?”

“Ah, yes, something like that. To be completely honest, this is my first time doing anything like this on my own, so don’t take advantage of me,” he chuckled weakly.

This time she didn’t laugh. Instead, her eyebrows furrowed slightly and she summed, thinking. What had he said? “So you are new here, yes?” She seemed almost suspicious.

“If that’s a problem, then I’m sure Nick can-”

“Oh, no not at all! There is no time like the present to learn,” she said, her smile returning. “And don't worry, my son Thor is new at this too, so don’t feel intimidated at all. He’s a very nice-”

“Mother, help!!” Bucky jumped in his seat as a younger boy, maybe Clint’s age, stormed into the room. He looked nothing like Pepper but was obviously calling to her, arms outstretched and pump lips lining a wide smile with blinding white teeth. The boy had dark skin with almond eyes and high cheekbones and was laughing hysterically. But that wasn’t what Bucky was looking at.

His stomach leaped into his throat when he was a huge blond man chasing the boy. The man had eyes like a winter afternoon and an unfamiliar laugh. “Sam, get back here right now and try this dress on!! Maria needs you to get the hem straight!” he called, gasping for breath. His face was red, but not from embarrassment.

“Steven, nice of you to join us,” Pepper calmly replied and Sam hid behind her. Steve somber up a little, as if noticing for the first time she wasn’t alone. And as if slowed by thick amber, his eyes traveled across the table to meet Bucky’s. The smile dropped instantly and he paled slightly. His mouth opened slightly as if to cry out but no sound escaped. Bucky was sure he looked about the same.

Steve. Steve at the bar. Steve in the woods. Steve was a Prince. No. There was no way. His eyes had to be tricking him. But no, Steve’s right hand traveled up almost subconsciously to his ribs, and Bucky knew.

How could he not have fucking known. He suddenly couldn’t stand to sit, so he stood from his seat.

“I assume you two know each other?” Pepper mused. Shit. He had completely forgotten about her. And Steve’s brother? No longer playing. He was looking at Bucky with wide eyes too, completely lost.

"No,” they both said at the same time. Bucky’s head snapped back at Steve to find his eyes firmly set on his mother.

Pepper’s mouth turned down slightly. “Well, are you going to just stare at each other or are you going to introduce yourself, Steven?”

Steve cleared his throat managed to turn back to Bucky. His eyes were trained on this throat, not meeting Bucky’s. “My apologies my good sir. I am Ste-”

Bucky couldn’t even look at him. He felt ill. Ws this all some huge elaborate prank? Bucky felt his legs wobble and he fell back into his seat. This made no sense. Why would Steve be out on the town in the middle of hte night if he were a prince. Twice he was on the opposite side of the city, and one of those time was him getting his ass handed to him. And Natasha? How did she fit in? How did they know each other. He really didn’t know a damned thing about her. What about Clint? Could he trust anybody to be who they really say they are?

“James? Are you alright?” Pepper asked. He snapped up to meet her too blue eyes, realizing he was out of it for a second. His eyes slide to Steve’s as if drawn by some unknown force, but Steve looked down as quick as they connected. His right hand was shoved into his pocket. Bucky looked back at the queen and cleared his throat, nodding the affirmative. “Yes. I am sorry, your son reminds me of someone I once knew.” His voice was rough even to his own ears.

“Sma, we should go,” whispered Steve to Sam. The younger boy looked at Bucky with perceptive almond eyes much like Steve’s: too seeing, too thoughtful. He was more comfortable with people accepting what they see on the outside. Natasha and Clint were the same way, and Bucky didn’t like how he suddenly found himself surrounded by people who see too much. He did not meet the boys eyes.

Instead he looked back at the queen. She smiled at him and then turned to the boys. Yes, I think you should run along. And if you see your oldest brother, tell him to hurry up. He’s late and I can’t sit here forever.”

“Why doesn’t Steve just take care of it?” chimed in Sam. Bucky’s heart froze. No. No fuckig way was he gonna stay here alone with Steve. No fucking-

“No!”Steve said much too quickly. Pepper’s eyebrows rose in surprise, and Steve quickly corrected himself. “Um, no. I don’t think I can handle that. You know, I just think that it would be better if, um, Thor did this one. Because he knows what he’s doing after all. I don’t know the first thing about, erm, fabric.”

Bucky tried to feel grateful that Steve was at least trying to prevent this, but he couldn’t help the anger simmering in his gut. It was Steve’s fault that they were in this mess after all. What the hell was he thinking?! Just pretending to be someone he was not? Fucking with Bucky’s head? Who the fck does that?

“Well, that’s not entirely true Steven. You know as much as Thor. We all discussed this as a family, remember? And know that I think about it, you would actually be better suited to this type of things. After all, you know you’re going to have to help him out when he is king, and honestly Thor is a bit forgetful about the smaller things. We both know that.”

Bucky was surprised to hear her talk so casually about the first born prince like this. Family ties are strong, but sometimes the promise of power is stronger. However, neither brothers took notice of this. Sam just smiled smugly and Steve was showing the first signs of a full blown panic. Bucky needed to step in before things got too out of control. Fuck that little shit. He knew exactly what he was doing.

“I thought that I would be meeting with the queen or king, and if not them then at least the son who is heir to the throne. No offense, my lady, but you can’t really expect me to settle on a boy no older than me.” Yeah, he sounded like a jackass, but it couldn’t be helped.

Pepper looked back on him with mild surprise, but months of spending time with natasha had helped him pick up on small facial changed. Her eyebrows were slightly narrowed and her lips pinched in the corners. Her eyes flickered over his own facial features. She was suspicious. She was trying to find out what his game was. “Well, to be frank my dear, i don’t think you really have much of a choice do you?” The kind and welcoming voice was gone, replaced by something with less fluff and more bite. “I want to make myself clear, because you are new here. If I say you are to meet with my second son, then you will meet with him and you will show him the most respect and be thankful that we are even considering your father as an option for this assignment.”

Bucky opened his mouth to reply, but found he didn’t have one that wouldn't get him thrown out or killed, so instead he replied with a meek, “Yes, my lady.I meant no offense.” He had just been shut down completely. He effectively backed himself into a corner when she called his bluff. There was no way that he would be able to escape Steve unless…

And like a damned miracle, the large doors opened for a third time to reveal a huge man with broad shoulders and a ridiculous flowing cape. He wore armor of shining gold for no apparent reason, and his face was all sharp lines and dips. He was gorgeous no doubt, but he didn’t share the same looks as Pepper or Steve. He was similar, but different entirely. Thor.

“Ah, sorry I am late mother. I was out training when I remembered that you would need my assistance today.” His voice was booming and grand. He was definitely a price.

Steve sagged visibly in relief, and Bucky couldn’t help but feel like his tense shoulders and back had suddenly turned of soft clay. Thank the gods. Tis, he could deal with.

But one look at Pepper told him they weren’t out of the woods yet. She stood up and smoothed her skirts and smiled at her eldest son. “Yes, well, I have decided to make a quick change of plans.”

Steve seized up again. “Mom!” he exclaimed, and she looked at him with wide eyes, shocked and insulted. Fuck, he was about to make things so so much worse. Bucky was dead for sure. Steve glaced at Bucky once and then gently turned his mom away from his, whispering something into her ear. Fuck, what was he saying. Probably something like how he was a criminal and was not to be trusted or some lie along those lines. Fuck. Thor just looked lost, and Sam was staring at him again, but this time it felt more like a glare.

“I don’t really care, Steven. What are you even talking about? You are acting like a child, and I don’t know what has gotten into you, but I don’t like it one bit, and it’s getting real old, real quick.”

If the situation wasn’t so fucked up, Bucky might have enjoyed watching Steve get chewed out by his mom. However, the fact that he seemed to also be on the losing side of this argument wasn’t something he was particularly happy about.

“Please, Mom,” he heard Steve plead, and he knew that if her where in her place, he would've crumbled like a freshly baked pastry. But Pepper was obviously much more use to the puppy eyes, and she dismissed him with a sharp glare and the words, “do it.” And then she took Sam by the ear who wailed in surprise and Thor by the arm and marched them all out of the room. At least the little punk got what he deserved.

The door slammed and Steve instantly turned and glared at Bucky as if he personally planned the entire thing himself. “What are you doing here?” he hissed with enough venom to kill a dragon. “I thought you were just some boy from the west.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. He didn’t like how Steve referred to him as boy, as if he were even a day older than Bucky. Just because he was prince didn’t mean a damn thing o Bucky, actually. And if Steve thought otherwise, he was in for a treat. “Listen here you arrogant turd! It’s not exactly like I thought you were the damned prince of this shit hole city. You didn’t exactly make it known when you were running away from he like a little virgin girl.” He kept his voice low in case the royal family decided to stay a little while and listen to the show. But it was still so fucking satisfying when Steve’s face heated up in an instant at being called out on the first time they had met. Like Bucky would let him off that easy.

“You need to leave. Now.”

Bucky lifted his chin in defiance. “Why? I came here to make a deal. My father is counting on me, and just because you are acting like a child doesn’t mean that I am going to. So either you sit down with me like a man and deal with it or run back to your mommy and tell-”

Steve advanced like a fucking tiger. He was all power and grace and out for blood. Inched from Bucky, snarling like a mad dog. “You don’t get to come into my home and tell me what I can and cannot do. I don’t care who you think you are or how big your ego is. I’m telling you to leave, so you better fucking leave.”  


Bucky smirked. “How cute.” His heart was hammering in his chest despite the nonchalant words though. He needed to diffuse the situation before he had to fight to royal prince, and somehow he couldn’t imagine that ending up in his favor. “How’s your hand?”

Good call. Steve sagged like an old womans tits and slumped down in the chair. This kid had some serious mood swings. He covered his right hand with his left and looked out the windows, suddenly very interesting in the weather. “Fine. Thanks.” Bucky almost rolled his eyes, but something on Steve’s face stopped him from mocking the other man. His eyebrows furrowed and he worried his lip. Bucky waited, sensing the other man was about to speak. “I...I mean for then.” He didn’t look up at Bucky, and the heat slowly crept up his own neck. He was...thanking him.

“I-yeah. Yeah, no problem. I mean, it’s not like you would have let them beat the shit out of me either.”

And Steve’s baby blues turned and looked up at Bucky, and he was not prepared for how deep they were. Rings of navy outlines the soft pools. “How do you know?”

“What?”

“How do you know what I would have done? You don’t even know me.”

But it feels like I do. Bucky didn’t say that. Gods that would have been embarrassing. But it was the truth. Bucky couldn’t help but trust the infuriating man. If he had seen anyone else, he probably would have minded his own business. But Steve? He was so...something. There was just something that Bucky was drawn to. And gods not to mention those shoulders, and he still had dreams about those hands. “Well then what would you have done then?”

Steve blinked and then turned back to the window. That little crease between his eyes was there again. “I think I would have stopped them. Which doesn’t make any sense. For all I know you could be one of those weirdos who prefers children and eats sewer rats.”

“I can tell you now that I don’t eat sewer rats, and as for what I prefer, well, you are hardly a child, doll.” He smirked as Steve clearly struggled to find an appropriate response. His eyes bulged and he looked at Bucky, and then not at Bucky, and then at his again as if to make sure he wasn’t hearing things. As if he had never been talked to like that before. And he probably hadn’t. The thought made Bucky flush himself. The idea that Bucky was the first to make it so clear that he desired Steve, and fuck, he knew Steve was into it because if he wasn’t, he probably would have punched Bucky in the face by now. He definitely wouldn’t have invited him into peggy’s house to eat freshly baked bread.

“I think that you shouldn’t say things like that,” Steve finally said. He twisted his finger in his hands. The knuckled were still badly bruised, and bruises on his wrist were beginning to show up as well.

“Why not? It’s not exactly a secret. You are gorgeous, you know.”

Steve narrowed his eyes, looking frustrated, but he didn’t make eye contact with Bucky. The blues stayed on the floor. “I am not like that.”

“What? What do you mean?” Bucky had a feeling that he knew what he meant.

“I’m not...I don’t like the same thing.”

Bucky snorted and flopped down in the chair across from Steve. He treated his fingers together and leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, of course you aren’t. Is that why you were drooling in the bar the night I met you?”

“No!” he said fiercely, bringing his eyes us to Bucky before dropping them again. “No, I’m not and you need to stop making those comments.”

“So you are saying that if I were get down on my knees and suck you off right now, you wouldn’t be into it?”

“What?!”

“And if I were to bend you over the table and open you up nice and slow, slick you up nice and good and fuck, you wouldn’t enjoy that Steve?”

“Stop. Now! That is-”

“Or maybe you would like to stretch me out?” Steve gasped ever so slightly and Bucky hummed in his throat, dropping his voice into a deep whisper. “Gods, you want that don’t you. You’re getting hard just thinking about it. Fuck, just looking at you has me positively dripping. Steve, look at me Steven.” And when he did, it took him back to that first night. Back to when he knew that if he just leaned in and kissed the man, he would crumble. “Gods, you’re wrecked baby. Who told you it was wrong? You feel good don’t you? ”He licked his lips and Steve’s eyes slipped down to follow the movement. “Baby, I’d make you feel so good.”

Both of Steve’s hands were clenched into fists by his sides and his breathing was deep. Bucky was hard in his own pants. He was almost tempted to reach down and touch himself through his trousers. As if Steve was thinking the same thing, the other man’s eyes drifted down to his neck and then down the rest of his body, like he wasn’t even aware of what he was doing. He probably wasn’t, and fuck, if that wasn’t a turn on. “I’d let you watch. Fuck, doll,” he curses, and he dropped a hand down to his thigh and rubbed the inside, next to his crotch.

Steve let out the smallest whimper and Bucky almost came right then. Gods this was intense. He hadn’t even touched himself.  


“I don’t-”. But the words were caught in Steve’s mouth as we watched Bucky cup himself. He swallowed and Bucky follows the movement of his adam's apple bobbing.

“What do you want, baby. Tell me.”

Steve closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Bucky’s heart fluttered in his chest with anticipation of what was about to come out of those pretty lips. “I want…I want to you to leave.”


	7. Chapter 7

The girl had a nice laugh, and nice eyes. She was soft and curvy and pump and wore cloths that stretched over her goods just right. Bucky had a hand resting on the curve of her back which lead to the swell of her bottom and it had been inching lower though out the night. The tavern was cool and every time someone opened the door, a cold wind would blow though. She snuggled closer.

“I like _your_ hair,” he murmured, petting the soft purple strands. She smiled up at him with big green eyes.

“I like your hair,” she said and gave Bucky’s hair a tug.

“It’s normally kept short, but I haven’t gotten a chance to cut it.”

“You should keep it like this. It gives you an air of mystery.”

Bucky was just drunk enough to puff up his chest and smolder. “Mystery, huh?” He whispered so she was forced to pull in closer. “I am the essence of mystery.”

“Oh really? Are you a spy?”

“If I told you, then I wouldn’t be a very good spy now would I dollface?”

“I know what would make it even better.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I?” She held up a small piece of what looked like dark chalk. It was smooth and creamy, and Bucky nodded. He had never done anything like this before. He had seen other men who did this more often. They would dress up as women and wear rouge on their lips and cheeks, but Bucky himself had never really seen the appeal. When the girl carefully lined his eyes, though, his heartbeat quickened. It was odd. He couldn’t really feel it, but he had the urge to rub his eyes anyway. When she pulled back, she gasped ever so slightly. “You look…good. Really good."

He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows. “Do I now?” He felt his face redden just the same. It wasn’t often that he got compliments straight to his face like that. Normally he was the one giving them out. But the girl looked in shock. He cleared his throat. “Do you have a mirror?”

“Ah, no, sorry.” She turned his face to examine him from all angles. “You look like a man who would ravish me and then steal my coat and jewelry.”

“And would you be totally opposed to that?”

“I guess not,” she said, and shivered. He wrapped his arm around her.

“Well then, what are we doing here?”

“My my, James, quite the ladies man aren’t you? Why, wasn’t it just last week that you were sweet talking that girl from Rokave?” said a voice as cold as steel.

Bucky started at her for a moment and then all the humiliation of yesterday came rushing back. Of course she knew. Of fucking course she knew. Steve and her were good buddies according to the night where she took him back to his castle and convinced Bucky to leave them because she knew he was a fucking prince. She knew everything.

“Why didn’t you tell me Natasha? How could you have forgotten that little piece of information. Natasha. Is that eve your real name? Do you even know what I-“

“Perhaps we should speak somewhere more private?”

“Wait, Bucky, what’s going on? Do you know this woman?”

Bucky sighed and gentle pushed the girl from his lap. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“What? Are you joking?”

“It’s not what is looks like!”

“Of course it is,” Natasha snapped. “It always is.”

“Gods, shut up Nat!”

“Well what do you want me to do? Shut up or answer you?”

He groaned and sent an apologetic glance to the furious girl, and then took Natasha by the arm and pulled her out into the cold air. There were people still roaming around the streets, so he lead them near the wall.

“You have some explaining to do.” There was nothing more he would like to do than to yell at her from the top of his lungs, but he was smarter than that. He would be dead before the third word.

“Do I? Let me be clear with you up front, James Buchanan Barnes.” He flinched at the sound of his full name. “I don’t have to do anything, and you telling me otherwise is laughable. You have simply stumbled across a secret of national importance with sheer blind luck, and you haven’t even begun to understand.”

“You lied to me Natasha.”

“Here is how it’s going to go. You ask me a question, and I will tell you an answer I see reasonable.”

He hesitated, considering prolonging the fight, but she was finally offering him answers and he didn’t know if he would get this chance again. “Why didn’t you tell me he was a prince?”

“I didn’t tell you that Steve was the prince because why? You are smart enough to figure it out for yourself.”

“Because-because you work for him?”

“Steve is my friend. He is my companion and I would trust him with my life. If he didn’t tell you himself, then obviously he didn’t want you to know.”

“Okay, then how did you know Steve in the first place?”

“That is a question that I cannot answer so easily."

Bucky shook his head in frustration. “Why is he out and about pretending to be someone he’s not? Why would he want to pretend he was a regular lad like me? Isn’t it suppose to be the other way around?”

She didn’t answer right away, thinking carefully about her response. Finally, she said, “Steve is a complicated man. He hasn’t lived the charmed life that most people associate with royalty and he is going through issues that are greater than yours or mine. He needs time to think and interactions that are not purely based off of him being the prince. How can you trust anyone to give you an honest answer when you hold the power of their lives in your hand?”

“But, what issues? What questions is he asking that need honest answers that he can’t get by his advisers?”

“This is a complicated question as well. I don’t know all the answers, and he is a very private person. He is going through deeply personal struggles that he alone can find the answers to.”

Deeply personal struggles? It sounded like she knew, then. “Why can’t he accept himself?”

Her face remained neutral and in the dark it was impossible to tell what she was thinking, but Bucky did notice the slight pause she gave before answering. “What do you mean by that?”

Gods, how did he word this without sounding like an ass? He closed his eyes and thought back to the panicked look Steve wore when he was being called out on his fears. “He thinks he’s not…he thinks he is into women. Exclusively."

“And you know that he is not? You know for sure even when he told you straight to your face that he wasn’t interested in you, you know that he enjoys men as well?”

Bucky got what she was implying and huffed and breath of annoyance. “Well, you must see it too. You and Clint kept nagging me to talk to the guy.”

She shrugged and looked away. “I was just making sure.”

“Making sure of what?”

“Making sure that you don’t take everything at face value. If you are to get to know Steve, you have to know that he says things that won’t hurt other people, but in the end he just hurts himself. You have to know how to read him. You seem to have a knack for it. It took me longer. I didn’t want to look for anything deeper than the happy exterior that he presents.”

“What do you mean get to know him better? Why would I do that? How can I possibly do that? I think I’ve made a bad enough impression to last 2 lifetimes at least.”

And then Natasha looked back to him with her very green eyes that where almost black in the night. “You will do it because he needs you. You will do it because you must.”

For a moment, he was frozen in her intense stare. What in the pit did she mean by that? It simply opened up a world of questions that he didn’t have answers to. But then he really thought about what she said. He had to help because Steve needed him? What did Steve need him for, and why him? What was going on? These answers just lead him to more questions.

But is seemed that Natasha was done answering. “Please, Bucky. I’ve never seen-it has to be you. It’s as if you have known him from another time. You have to save him,

Bucky. And you have to start tonight.”

“Listen, Nat, I’m sorry, I just can’t. This is all too much. You can find someone else to do this, okay. People aren’t as bad as you think they are.”

“No, you aren’t listening!” A couple people stopped to look at them, and she lowered her voice. “Bucky, you need to go to Peggy’s cabin tonight. He always goes there when he’s in a mood, and you can’t tell him you talked to me or that I told you any of this. Bucky, look at me. You have to.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I know. But please, if not for him, then for me. I know I can’t tell you all that I know and that that is frustrating for you, but you have to trust me, Bucky.”

“Trust you? How can I expect to trust you when you don’t trust me enough to tell me why I’m trusting you?”

“I do trust you.” And it was so simple and final that it made Bucky pause.

“You trust me?”

She nodded. “I do. Otherwise I would have killed you a long time ago.”

He gulped. Suddenly the decision was much easier. Peggy’s cabin she said? “Good to know,” he croaked. She had the gall to smile.

“Thank you James.”

“It’s Bucky,” he grumbled.

 

The cabin was only dimply lit. There was one window where flickering light shined though. He stood on the edge of the forest. He was tired and sore, and he didn’t even know why he was here, but the thought of seeing Steve again was exciting. It made no sense. He could have been nestled up nest to a beautiful women in a warm bed. Instead, he was out here freezing his ass off for _Natasha_ of all people. _And Steve_ , a small voice in his mind added. He grumbled and began trudging through the tall grass.

What was Steve doing up so late anyway. And why did he need Bucky’s help? The question brought on a series of images that made Bucky groan. He seriously doubted that that’s why Steve needed him. Still, a man could dream, couldn’t he?

As he got closer to the window, he saw a figure moving around inside. A fire was lit as well as several candles, and Bucky held his breath as he approached. Steve was sitting, shirtless. Gods, Bucky was such a creep. He was literally sitting outside Steve’s window peeping at him. But Steve had his back turned, so Bucky crept closer. On the table were some sort of cloth wrappings. There was a bowl of water and a washcloth, and to Bucky’s relief, Peggy was nowhere to be seen.

Steve took the towel and wringed it out and wet it again. He proceed to dab it on his ribs, where he and been cut. In fact, Steve’s whole body looked horrible. There were blueish green bruises spotting his torso and welts covered his back and shoulders as if someone- Bucky closed his eyes at the thought- as if someone had whipped him with a belt.

Is this why Natasha had send him here? Was Steve in trouble?

He walked away from the window and to the door. He couldn’t see Steve from here, and he took a moment to breath before knocking. There was no way this wouldn’t go horribly.

There was a couple seconds of nothing, then Steve’s face appearing in the window.

“Bucky?” He opened the door a crack.

He had his shirt back on. Bucky signed and squeezed in through the gap between Steve’s body and the wall. “Wanna tell me what happened?” Steve seemed pretty out of it and there was no was Bucky wasn’t going to take advantage of that. He sat down in the chair across from the one Steve was sitting at, and he looked up to find Steve still at the door. He looked lost. Lost was better than angry.

“Bucky, what are you doing here?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you take off that shirt and let me get your back?”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “I think you’re lost. This isn’t you’re house.”

“This isn’t your house either. I leaned that yesterday. And you are right, this isn’t my house. But I came all the way from central because you needed help, so why don’t you sit your ass down and take off that shirt so I can get your back.”

If anything, that made Steve go even more ridged. “Who sent you here? And I don’t need your help.”

Bucky groaned and ran both hands through his hair. “I don’t really care right now. Gods, Steve, if you think I’m leaving then you have another thing coming.” He paused, and then in a gentler voice, “I won’t ask any questions. I just want to help.”

Steve closed the door slowly. He kept his eyes on Bucky, but approached the table and sat back down again. His movements were awkward as he took his shirt off and Bucky didn’t fail to notice the small wince as he lifted the shirt over his shoulders. The busies were worse up close, and Steve stared angrily at the ground like a kid. Weather the red creeping up his neck was from embarrassment or the heat of the fire, Bucky didn’t comment. Instead, he walked around the table and took the cloth. Some of the welts were open and leaking fluid. Bucky carefully dabbed the wounds in a silence that Steve didn’t attempt to fill.

Whoever had done this to Steve, they must have been a trained fighter because he had a hard time imagining that Steve would have been beaten this bad by some angry drunk in an alley. Unless…Bucky glanced down at Steve’s knuckles. The right hand was still ever so slightly colored, but that’s it. He didn’t like the looks of that. Did Steve not even fight back? What the hell had happened to him?

His promise not to ask questions was killing him, but he remained quiet. Every once and a while Steve would let out a quiet hiss, but other than that they were silent. By the time Bucky was done carefully cleaning Steve’s back, the fire had shrunk to a warm glow. His back looked better, but still not great. It was going to hurt to sleep on.

“Alright, turn around and let me get the front.”

“What a line,” Steve muttered. “Does that usually work with the dames?” He slowly turned to face Bucky anyway. His movements were stiff.

“Worked on you didn’t it?”

Steve didn’t say anything to that, but Bucky felt the some of the tension leave the room. It seemed that Steve was too tired to give him a proper fight. Steve’s front was significantly better. There were few welts and the bruising concentrated mostly around his ribs. He also noticed the bruising around his wrists for the first time. No, that wasn’t right. Bucky had seen them yesterday at the castle. They were lighter than the rest of them, so it was possible that they were from the same night as his bruised knuckles were.

It was a bad sign when you can’t figure out which injuries are from which nights.

“One time I got into a fight with this scrappy kid from NewYogames. I must have been 16 or 17 at the time and we had just finished a huge shipment of linens, so the crew took me out for some drinks. They liked to get me plastered and make me do stupid stuff.” Bucky chuckled at the memory. “Anyway, this kid was about the same age as I was and he was ugly as a sewer rat. He kept tryin to chat up this pretty dame, but she didn’t want anything to do with him, so he started getting a little rough. One of the guys told me to save her, and I rushed in like a knight in shining armor only to get the absolute shit beaten out of me. As ugly as he was, the boy could fight like no one else I’d seen. I was taught how to fight after that, and I keep hoping I’ll meet the fucker one day so I can have a rematch.”

Steve had his head down still, but he was smiling. At least, Bucky thought he was. It was hard to tell. “Did she get away? The girl?” His voice was quiet, like a child’s.

Bucky was too drunk to remember, but he told Steve, “Yeah, yeah she ran away.”

“Good.”

He wiped a bit of blood from a nasty cut on his shoulder that had reopened. “So when did all this happened?"

“I thought you said no questions?”

“Did I?”

Steve looked up at Bucky. “I would rather not talk about it.”

“Okay, so let’s talk about something else. How do you know Natasha?”

“Maybe something else?”

“How about you ask the questions then Mr. Mysterious.”

Steve cocked his head and really looked at Bucky for the first time that night. Bucky heard his breath hitch, but he kept eye contact. Gods, it was like Steve could see every single bad thing he’s ever done. “Where are you from? Originally?”

“Okes. It’s a small town. That’s where my mother was born, and that’s where I was born.”

Steve nodded. “What’s it like?”

Bucky sat back and thought for a moment. “Well, it is cold. It snows there all the time, but there are special types of plants that grow really well in the cold. The trees there are shorter than here, but they are hardy. Most days there are clouds and wind, but in the summer the clouds leave and the sun appears and it melts all the snow. There are these huge cliffs that look out over the sea, and as a boy I would sit on the rocks and think about what was past the edge of the world."

“Why did you come here then?”

“I’m a sailor. Or, I was. My dad dropped me off because I need to learn how to read and write and do things that I will have to know if I want to take over one day.”

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you want to take over?”

Bucky almost answered _of course I do_ , but the question made him pause. Did he? It had always seemed that he would have to and that it was what he was just meant to do, but he really loved it here, and it opened his eyes up to a world that he had never experienced and opportunities that he would have never been introduced to if he had stayed on the ship. He got to meet so many knew people…but still, the ocean was his home. Finally he said, “Yeah. I think I do.”

Steve nodded slowly. Bucky noticed the way his eyes were drooping and his shoulders were slumped. He looked exhausted and much older than he actually was. “Do you want to be a prince?”

“I have a responsibility for my people and I am in a position in which I can help them and protect them.”

Bucky frowned. “That’s not really an answer to my question though.”

Steve shrugged, and then winced. “I have another question for you. What is on your eyes?”

“Oh,” Bucky laughed and dabbed his finger on to his eyes. There was a smudge of black powder on his finger tips. “Do you like it? The girl who put it on said that I looked like someone who would bed her and then rob her.” Bucky laughed again, but he felt a slight blush heat his cheeks at the way Steve was looking at him. All his focus was zeroed in on him, and gods, Bucky really didn’t know how to feel about it.

“Sorry about yesterday.” He whispered it so that Bucky hardly heard. But he did hear and it stopped him in his tracks.

“You’re sorry? For what? Steve. Listen. I made a huge ass out of myself, and I should be the one who is apologizing. I just figured that you didn’t want to talk about it, and shit, I was an arrogant prick for sauntering in there and acting like you owed me something.”

Steve shook his head anyway. “It’s my fault. I just-“ Steve cut himself off as if he was in pain and glared down at the ground. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky looked down at his palms. “I guess I just don’t understand.”

Steve didn’t ask for clarification. He knew what Bucky was talking about. “Our lives are very different, Bucky. We were raised differently and it isn’t unusual that we view certain things differently.”

Bucky shook his head. “It doesn’t make sense, though. You’re fear of-“

“I’m not afraid. It’s wrong. I’m not…that.

Bucky felt his anger simmer. “So I’m wrong then? Because I am able to live my life the way I want to live it? Because I can make my own choices and I’m not _afraid_ of myself?I’m wrong for that?”

Steve shared none of Bucky’s passion, though. He seemed more worn out than ever and simply sagged in his chair. “No. You know that’s not what I meant. But what you are asking of me is impossible.

“I’m not asking you for anything. I am trying to help you see that living your life as you want is the only way you will be able to live with any happiness. Steve, you deserve to be happy. Everyone does.”

“Please stop, Bucky. I can’t. I can’t.” He put his face in his hands.

“You have to.” He remembered Natasha’s words. “You must.” Steve was sitting in front of him, sobbing because he couldn’t bear to face himself, and like a switch, he remembered the bruises. “Is someone hurting you? Telling you that you are wrong?” And then a second thought occurred to him and he felt sick. “Gods, Steve, did they do this because of me?”

Steve shuttered, his body shaking as he drew in a breath. “No. It’s my fault.” The conviction Steve said those words and the truth he thought they held made Bucky’s heart break. Fuck, he hadn’t known.

“Fuck,” Bucky whispered, because that’s all he could say. This man in front of him was wrecked. Someone has been fucking with his head, that’s for sure. “Steve, who did this to you? Was it your family? Your dad?”

“No, no, no. It wasn’t anyone like that. They don’t even know. No one knows. Only..” He sniffled and rested his elbows on his knees, heels of his hands pressed into his eyes. “Only you and him.”

“Who, Steve?” He gently pressed.

“Fuck, Bucky, don’t waste your time on me. I am a dammed coward.” He looked up with liquid eyes. “You know I didn’t even fight back, Bucky? I didn’t even hit back once. I just took it like a fucking bitch.”

“Steve, stop. It’s not your-“

“I took it and then I ran away to lick my wounds and now I’m spilling all my petty woes to a stranger because I’m that fucking _desperate._

Bucky ‘shhed’ him and rubbed his upper arm because that’s all he could do. Steve was falling apart and at this point there was really nothing he could do. He needed to let Steve cry it out and get some sleep. In the morning they would talk. Steve would feel more like himself after resting. “Steve, is Peggy here?” He shook his head. “Okay. I’m going to get you some water and then put you to sleep. Just stay here, okay Steve?” Bucky got no response. He went to get Steve a cup of water and when he returned, Steve had stopped crying and was sitting in his chair like a wooden figure. His eyes were red and bleak and his sleeve was damp. He took the cup and drank.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed.” He followed Steve deeper into the house. They went down a narrow hallway into a small room with just enough space for a bed and a dresser. Steve got under the coverers as Bucky shut the window. “Steve, it’s really late. I think I’m going to stay here, and we can talk in the morning, okay?” Again, he got no response, so he took that as permission to stay. He went back to the sitting room and sat down on a soft padded chair. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of what just happened, or what was to come in the morning.


	8. Chapter 8

At first, he wasn’t sure what woke him. His neck hurt and his bladder was full. There was something crackling and Bucky felt heavier. He cracked open his eyes to find Steve crouched over a small fire cooking something. He had draped a blanket over Bucky as well, and Bucky snuggled deeper into his seat. It was still dark out but only one candle was lit.

He really wasn’t looking forward to talking about last night, and Steve hadn’t noticed him waking up, so he took a minute to think over his words carefully. He had to make sure that Steve knew nothing was is fault, but he had to be real about the situation. Steve was smart enough to see through an empty promise of things to get better or that Bucky could solve his problems.

But Steve didn’t seem to be going through the same struggle. His shoulders were relaxed and he was humming ever so slightly. He was cooking eggs and the sizzled on the pan. There were two plates on the small table where a chunk of bread was town off the loaf and a wedge of something that might have been cheese. Bucky’s stomach growled at the smell of the cooking eggs and Steve turned around to find Bucky’s eyes open and watching him. It should have creeped him out, but Steve just smiled. “Good morning. Hungry?”

It was such a difference from the night before that it took Bucky a moment to compose himself. It seemed to be a different person completely squatting in front of him. His blue eyes were open and curved. “Um, yes. That would be great.”

Steve nodded and turned back to his work. He pushed the eggs around on the pan. “We are having eggs, and there is bread and cheese if you want it.”

Bucky nodded and then realized that Steve couldn’t see him so he croaked out a quick, “thanks”, and then pushed off the blanket. He wasn’t sure that acting like nothing happened was the best move, but he had more pressing matters to attend to first. “I have to use the bathroom,” he announced awkwardly.

Steve looked back up at him. “Um, okay.”

Bucky stood up and hurried out of the house to relieve himself and to clear his head. Steve seemed completely relaxed around him. Compared to when he was terrified of being in the same room as him, Bucky would count that as a win. And the thought of Steve cooking breakfast for him thrilled Bucky just a little. It was dumb, but there was a peace this morning.

He really didn’t want to break it by mentioning Steve’s problems. Maybe it could wait until after breakfast. Crickets chirped in the darkness and Bucky took a deep breath of cold morning air before he went back inside.

Steve was already sitting at the table eating. Bucky sat down with him. “Sleep well?” he asked, instantly regretting it. He expected Steve to tense up and pull into himself, but the man didn’t even look up from his meal.

“Yeah. You? Sorry about the chair. It’s ancient. How is your neck?”

“Um, good. Fine. It was fine.” Bucky slapped his brain inside his head. He was making a fool out of himself. “It was comfortable. I’ve slept on worse, you know.” He took a bit of the eggs and spread his cheese on his toast. It was very fresh and the bread was still warm. “Did you get all of this this morning?”

He grinned sheepishly. “I’m an early riser.”

“It’s good.”

“Thanks. I made it myself.”

Bucky considered asking where Peggy was but he decided against it. There was no telling what Steve was comfortable telling, or what he could tell Bucky. There was the whole prince thing that was yet to be discussed. Instead, Bucky just chuckled and ate the rest of his meal. It still felt like he was in dangerous territory, and any wrong movement could lead him down another path of woe.

Still, last night had to have been tough on the man. Bucky didn’t miss the darkness of the skin under the blue eyes. Maybe it was better that he left it alone for a while. The guy could use a break and a little fun if last night was anything to go by. He needed a relaxing day away from anyone who would hurt him, including his own mind. If he could take 

Steve out of his own head for a while the he would be doing some good.

“Hey, if you’re not doing anything today, can I show you something?”

He furrowed his brows for a moment. “I’m not sure. I should probably be getting back soon.”

Nope, that is exactly what Bucky wanted to avoid. “Yeah, but I doubt they’ll miss you for one more day.”

“Listen, Bucky. You don’t do this.”

And here comes the self-sacrificing bullshit. “No, actually, it’s because I could really use a break from Fury. He’s driving me crazy. And all the rush of the city, I guess I’m still not totally used to it.”

Steve wasn’t fooled for a second. He shook his head no and worried his lip. But still, the words, “what do you want to show me?” emerged.

Bucky smiled and stood up. “help me pack some food and I’ll show you. It’s the perfect time to go.”

Steve hesitated, then nodded. Together they packed the rest of the food that Steve had bought in a small leather bag which Steve insisted he would carry.

“Can you at least tell me where it is?” he asked as they left the cottage. Steve automatically began heading back toward town, but Bucky caught him by the wrist. Gently, he pulled him the other direction.

“This way,” he said, drawing them into the trees.

Steve snorted. “I can’t believe you are showing me something in my own kingdom.”

Bucky laughed from the shock of Steve blatantly announcing his royalty. Not that is was a secret anymore, but he seemed so comfortable with it. Bucky smiled at the man.

“I’m honored,” he said, and mock bowed, testing the waters. Steve groaned and rolled his eyes.

The first birds had long since woken up and their chatter filled the air along with the sharp smell of falling leaves and dew on the forest floor. The sun hadn’t risen yet but it was getting lighter and the finer details and colors began to show themselves.

“I like the mornings,” Steve confessed. “I like the sounds.”

“Is that why you wake up at an indecent hour of the day?”

“Yeah. And I like seeing everything that you don’t normally see every day.”

“Like what?” Bucky lead them around a bend on a worn path and then veered off of it. They trudged through the untamed forest.

“Like when all the merchants set up and the cats that walk around before all the people and dogs scare them off.” He stopped, but Bucky was content to listen to the sound of his voice, so he waited for him to continue. “I like the quiet too. Everyone is too tired to argue for once, and so they are all walking around but not many people are talking and it’s just…nice. I guess.”

Bucky snuck a glance at Steve. His eyes were narrowed, concentrating on not tripping over roots and shrubs. His words were open and unashamed and it made Bucky smile a little. “I will have to join you sometime. We won’t have to talk though.”

They stepped over a fallen tree that had mushrooms growing out of it and pushed their way through some vines to emerge on the bank of a small lake. Small streams of light were just emerging from the trees across the water and the clouds were an ombre on blues and pinks. There were flocks of black swimming birds that floated on the water like ice. 

They blended in with the matt shadows and shone in the dim light.

“Oh,” said Steve.

“Up here,” he said. He climbed up a short twisted tree and sat on a fat branch that winded around other branches and made a small sort of seat. Nat and Clint had showed him this spot. All three of them didn’t fit so Clint perched on a higher branch. “The birds come every fall and stop here for fish or whatever.” He climbed with a practiced ease. Steve struggled a little more. When he got to the ledge, Bucky scooted over for him. He was a lot bigger than Natasha though and they ended up being pressed closer together than Bucky had anticipated.

Steve stiffened slightly, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he pulled off a purple leaf from the tree and smoothed it over in his hand. The leaves were usually soft to the touch, but now they were dry and cracked and fragile in preparation for winter. The wind blew them into the water where they drifted and mingled with the birds.

Together they watched the sun rise above the trees and the bright blue slowly blended out with the rest of the sky. Once the sun came up from over trees, the heat lifted fog from the surface of the lake. They were surrounded by a cloud and the birds seemed more like gray shadows.

“Do you mind if I…?” Bucky looked over to find a roll of parchment and some charcoal in Steve’s hand.

“Do you keep that wherever you go?”

Steve instantly shoved it back in the bag. “I know, it’s stupid.” He barked out a strained laugh. “Sorry,” he automatically apologized.

He was embarrassed for wanting to draw? “Hey, no, I was just surprised. Yes, please draw. Well, as long as you don’t mind me watching.”

Steve was on his guard now though, and he hesitated. “I mean, it’s fine. I really can’t see anything anyway.” Bucky wondered how long it had taken him to work up the courage to ask Bucky, and he was so ready for Bucky to shoot him down that he was going to take anything as a rejection.

“Damn, Steve, just do your drawing. Please. We’ve just been sitting up here doing nothing for an hour. I want to see what you got.”

Steve didn’t smile and his mouth stayed pressed, but he did pull out the paper again. “I’m not very good,” he said. Bucky made himself more comfortable and watched Steve spread the paper out over his bent legs. Bucky rested his head on the trunk behind them and peered over Steve’s left shoulder at the small lines that he sketched on the paper.

First came the body. The water began to take shape and then the trees. Bucky could feel his eyes droop as the watched. The birds were quiet and the tide pushed the sand and pebbles. Bucky closed his eyes and just listened to the scilence and Steve’s breathing. 

Bucky woke up to a wet drop hitting him directly in the eyelid. He flinched awake to find the sun hidden by thick dark clouds, but he was warmed by a heat pressing into his side. He looked over to find Steve’s head slumped and his eyes closed. His mouth was relaxed and his right hand still held the charcoal. The picture was beautiful. Bucky really didn’t know anything at all about art, but he could respect the delicate lines and gently smudged shading. Steve’s middle finger was black with the charcoal.

Bucky didn’t move to wake him. Instead, he took a moment to study Steve’s face. Bucky knew it was something that only happened to lovesick couples and in corny romance novels, but he couldn’t help it. Steve’s eyelashes fluttered and cast shadows over his high cheekbones. His mouth was relaxed and his lips were full and colored. His breathing was deep and rhythmic and he was huge and warm and Bucky suddenly found it was hard to swallow.

Another raindrop splattered onto the bridge of Steve’s nose and Bucky quickly looked away so that he was not caught staring. Steve shifted and rubbed his eyes. It left a dark smear on his eyes and coated his eyelashes and Bucky had to look away because he really didn’t need to be this close to Steve suddenly. Steve yawned. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I was out.”

Steve’s lips quirked up as he rolled up the paper. “Yeah, you were. Was I that boring?”

Bucky stretched his legs out. Another drop hit his in the back of the neck causing him to shiver. “Don’t take it personally.”

Thunder echoed across the lake and the tide was pushing against the rocks with more force. “We should get outta here.”

Steve more of less fell out of the tree and Bucky came laughing down after him. They set a brisk pace for the cabin and the rain stated coming down faster. They were fat drops, but scarce. Steve held the bag carefully under his arm. “You know where we are?” he asked.

Bucky gasped and shook his head. “By golly, I think we might be lost!” Steve glared at him but was smiling when he turned his head away.

“I guess we’ll get eaten by bears then.”

“Guess so. Or maybe the lions.”

“Or the man-eaters.”

“Wait, what?” Bucky laughed. “What the shit, Steve. I haven’t heard anything about man eaters. That’s a whole different thing.”

As if commanded by an unheard voice, the clouds opened and sobbed down on them. The rain was heavy and thick and sounded like the ocean. Bucky and Steve broke out into a sprint. His heart was hammering and he briefly thought about Steve’s drawing. He heard Steve say something behind him and he turned around and shouted “what?” to find out that Steve was struggling to keep up the pace. He was laughing so hard that he was doubled over and staggering behind Bucky. His mouth was wide open to show white teeth and his eyes were so crinkled that he could hardly see his pupils. The sight made Bucky’s chest bubble with laughter and then he was gasping along with Steve.

Steve straightened up and took a deep breath before bellowing from the top of his lungs. He let out a long ‘whoooooooop’ before taking off again. He was leaping off the rocks and his hands where above his head and he ran through the forest walloping like a mad man. Bucky closed his eyes and let out a howl of his own and chased the other man. 

He was laughing so hard that it felt like his lungs might crumple, but he kept yelling.

Somehow Steve was able to find his way back to the trail and then instantly slipped in the mud. He fell chin first into the ground and slid several yards. Bucky let out a shout of surprise that he couldn’t hear over the pounding rain and tried to stop too quickly. His feet slipped out under him and he skidded in the path that Steve had just carved out for him. Luckily, Steve’s body was there to stop his momentum. They both grunted at the impact.

He tried to catch his breath but he didn’t have time before a huge handful of mud slammed into his face. It got in his nose and mouth and he sat up, choking while Steve curled in a ball in hysteria. Bucky wiped eyeholes for himself and then grinned like a wolf. “Oh honey, two can play that game.”

Steve stared at him like a doe for a moment before trying to scramble away. Bucky lunged for him and missed, but it didn’t matter because Steve slipped anyway and splashed in another puddle. Bucky laughed while thunder screamed over them as he brought a huge ball of mud down onto a helpless Steve. He followed the momentum and fell over besides the spluttering punk.

And then, in the middle of the storm and wind and lighting, they closed their eyes, faced upturned to the weeping sky. 

The cottage was warm and dry and they were cold and soaked to their core. The fire had reduced to coals and they glowed hotly. It was still showering slightly and clouds covered the sun so they lit candles to brighten the room. Steve took off his coat and then his shirt and draped them over a chair. Bucky followed suit and couldn’t help but notice that how Steve’s eyes lingered just a second too long on Bucky’s torso. It made something stir in Bucky’s stomach, but he shoved it away. Now wasn’t the time.

He flopped down in the chair and Steve opened the satchel. The leather was good and worn, but the contents were still drenched. All that remained of Steve’s drawing was a couple soggy pieces of paper with black smears. He didn’t seem upset in the slightest as he tossed them aside without a spare glance. Bucky frowned. “That piece was really good. 

You’re not upset at all?” It was weird how little Steve cared about the ruined piece, and to be honest, for some reason it kinda hurt. He didn’t know what to expect, though. Did he want the guy to keep it forever as a reminder as the time they spent together?

“Nah, it wasn’t. I told you, I’m not very good.” Steve pulled out the food they had packed, also ruined.

“Who told you that?”

Steve paused and looked up at Bucky in obvious confusion.

“Told me that…it wasn’t good?”

“Yeah. Or that you’re not good. Because you are. Good. At drawing.” He didn’t know why he felt the need to clarify, but something the way Steve looked made him think that not many people told him that.

He just chuckled. It was strained, though, and he got the sense that he was pushing a subject that Steve was a little touchy about. Well, he didn’t really care. Steve had a lot of problems, and right now his insecurities about his drawing abilities was one that Bucky could actually put to rest. “Yeah, thanks I guess.” He didn’t say it with much conviction though. He didn’t even meet Bucky’s eyes.

“Steve, I’m serious. Anyone who sees you draw would tell you that.”

He held up the wet mess and grimaced. “Oh yeah, a real piece of work, huh?” He laughed, but Bucky didn’t. In fact, he was beginning to feel like this wasn’t a show of humbleness or mere insecurities. Did he honestly think he was no good? “Steve, listen to me. You have a lot going on your mind right now. I get that. But if I can help with nothing else, I want you to understand that you are an amazing artist. It’s true that I don’t study the greats, or even the not so greats, but I don’t have to know that you are amazing. How can I make you believe me?”

Steve seemed a bit shocked at Bucky’s proclamation. “I don’t…why? Who cares? Why does it matter?” His voice was just on the side of defensive and Bucky was flabbergasted.

“Who cares? Gods, Steve, are you not listening to a word I say? It matters to me. It should matter to you. You’re talented and I don’t know how you don’t see that.”  


Steve scrunched the paper in his fist and they both watched as the excess water dribbled through the cracks in his fingers and onto a tiny puddle on the table. “I’m ruining it,” Steve said, and Bucky knew he wasn’t talking about the paper.

He realized that his voice had grown hard in frustration at Steve’s resolve to not be able to see the obvious. He sighed and shook his head. “No, Steve, you’re not. I’m not trying to tell you how to feel. I just…” He hesitated, choosing his words carefully. Steve looked up through his lashes. “I think you’re a good artist. And I guess, even if you don’t think the same, I want you to know that I am telling you what I see. I’m not trying to just be polite.” He looked down from Steve’s stare. “I want you to know that I won’t ever lie to you. Everything I say will be what I truly think.”

Steve looked at him with uncertainty. “Okay.” He nodded slowly, taking the information in. He seemed to be considering something in his head. He looked obviously uncomfortable with the turn that the afternoon took, but Bucky was offering his complete honesty to any questions he had.

In the end, curiosity won out. “Can I ask you a question then? And you will answer truthfully? No sparing my feelings or any of that stuff?” Bucky nodded once, keeping eye contact. “Why are you here?”

Bucky considered the question carefully. “Well, there are many answers to that question. I am here because in front of me I see a struggling man. I am here because I also see a beautiful mam who I am very interested in getting to know them more. Platonically or otherwise,” he added quickly at the widening of Steve’s eyes and the red flush on his cheeks. He had to bite back a small smile at his modesty. “And I am here because last night Natasha and I had a little chat and she happened to tell me that you were up here and that you needed help. With what, she didn’t say, but I feel like I might have a few guesses already.”

Steve frowned at the mention of Natasha. “She worries about me, and I know I’m not the most convincing after my little episode last night,” he said and cringed slightly at the memory, “but it’s never that bad. I promise. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to help me with anything. I appreciate the effort and the company. But maybe she lead me out to be some basket case that couldn’t do anything for themselves, and that’s not me. I’m not looking for someone to save me, Bucky.”

He was staring intently at Bucky as if it were absolutely imperative that Bucky understood that he was really just fine by himself, and Bucky’s heart clenched at the thought. The man was falling apart last night, and just because it wasn’t like that all the time just meant that Steve buried all those thoughts deep down where he didn’t have to see them until he gets the stuffing beat out of him and it all comes leaking out. “I’m not pittying you Steve. I respect you. How could I not. I’ve met you a handful of times before this and do you know what I thought? I thought you were the most infuriating man alive because I could never pin you down long enough to get to know you. What I do know is that you are kind. You are the prince and you still make time to help a little old lady with her lawn work. You are a sexy hunk who isn’t even aware of the way people look them.” Steve laughed a little at this, possibly out of sheer embarrassment, but he didn’t interrupt or deny any of what Bucky was saying. He pressed on. “And I know that you can pack a punch. That thug knows too, now. I can’t pretend to know everything that goes through your mind or why you do what you do, but I do know that you are going through deeply personal issues,” he said, repeating how he heard Natasha describe it. “And if I can help with those, then I will. And if I can’t and you want me to leave you alone forever, I will do that.”

Steve was bouncing his knee nervously under the table. He seemed lost for words. His eyes were unfocused and just a little shiny and his hands where rubbing his thick thighs. “I don’t, you can’t know- “. He squeezed his eyes shut and took in a sharp breath. When he opened them again, they were dry. His words were slow and careful. “I don’t want you to leave, I think. But…I still think that both of you are over reacting. You caught me at a particularly bad moment. But, I like you.” He swallowed roughly. “As a friend, though. It can only be as a friend. I can’t…” His adam’s apple bounces as he swallowed again, and Bucky stepped in.

“That’s fine, Steve. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You never have to explain yourself to me, okay. But if you want to share anything with me, then I will listen.” Steve wringed his hands and gave a small nod. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. Bucky looked over his chest and all the horrible bruises and cuts. They were already lighter and most of the welts were closed and healing nicely, but it still made his stomach roll at the thought of someone hurting Steve. Not only hurting him, but thoroughly beating him. He knew he really shouldn’t push, but the anger was back and gods he wanted to strangle the bastard who did that to Steve, and he was surprised at the intensity of the feeling. “I’m going to ask you a question, and you don’t have to answer it okay. You don’t have to say anything, but I have to ask.”

Steve winced and absent-mindingly rubbed his knuckles. They were almost fully healed. “I feel like I know what it is.”

“Yeah.” He took a breath and Steve did too. The man squared his shoulders as if he were about to go into battle. “Why did they do this to you?” He knew Steve wouldn’t tell him who, and he doubted he would know the person it was anyway, but he needed a reason. And part of it was selfish. He was dreading the answer that he knew it was: someone didn’t approve of what Bucky was suggesting when they were alone. It was his fault. It had to be.

Steve’s tongue poked out as he thought about his answer. His pace was pinched with worry and probably unpleasant memories, but Bucky’s hopes lifted as Steve thought. He hadn’t been immediately shit down. It seems that Steve might answer him. “The person…” He rubbed his forehead with his pointer and middle fingers and liked his lips and then barked out a harsh laugh. “It’s hard to explain, really.”

“Hard to explain or hard to say?” Bucky asked softly. The last thing he wanted to do was push answers out of Steve, but if he needed a little prompting, then who was Bucky do deny him?

Steve sighed. “Hard to say I guess. Do you think that maybe, I could get a pass of this one?” He asked it with worry, as if he expected Bucky to get angry.

“Yeah, no problem. It’s deep stuff, I get it.” Steve flashed him a relieved smile, and his shoulders sagged. Bucky hadn’t noticed how tense the other man had become. “Maybe if we play a game it would make it easier. You ask one question, then I’ll go? It won’t be anything too personal,” he promised, “and you can always pass if you want.”

“Um, yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.” He nodded, as if to reassure himself. He wrapped his arms around his ribs to cover the marks. Bucky wasn’t sure if it was intentional or not. “Should I go first?"

“If you want.”

“You can ask me something since I didn’t answer your last one.”

“Okay, sure.” Bucky thought for a moment and Steve took another deep breath, visibly trying to relax again. The rain outside started coming down firmer again and Bucky was thankful for the white noise as he thought of something to ask Steve that wouldn’t be off limits. “The boy you were chasing when your mom and I were talking, is he your real brother?”

It was a good question to ask judging from Steve’s automatic smile and the fondness that crept into his eyes. “Sam. Yeah, he is. The family is a bit complicated as you might have guessed. We don’t share the same blood, if that’s what you mean. None of us do.” Bucky blinked in surprise but said nothing. None of princes where blood related to the kind and Queen? That was coming as a shock. He would have at least expected Steve or Thor to be related to Pepper. “But we are still real brothers,” he said with a firmness that suggests that he had to assure plenty of people thought his life of that fact. Bucky believed it. “Okay, my turn. Do you have any siblings?”

Bucky sighed and sat back in his chair. “I had a kid sister. Rebecca. She was crazier than I was. But, I haven’t seen her in a really long time.” The thoughts of his sister made his chest hurt and he had to clear his throat to continue. “She stayed with my mom though.” Steve opened his mouth to ask another question but Bucky stopped his by holding up his finger. “One question, remember?” Steve rolled his eyes and Bucky smiled. A wicked thought came to Bucky and he couldn’t help the smirk that his lips curled into, and Steve groaned

“Oh no.”

“Tell me, Steven. Are you still a virgin?”

Whatever Steve was expecting, that was not it. His eyes bulged and his face went red. The flush colored his ears and neck and even continued down his chest. A full body blusher? The thought made Bucky a tad flushed himself. “What?” Steve squawked.

Bucky gasped. No way…but Steve was squirming in his chair and Bucky knew. “Steve, you sly dog, there is no way!! You’re still a virgin??” He laughed despite Steve’s humiliation and shook his head. “You’re a prince! You should be rolling in girls!”

Steve huffed. “Are you gonna let me answer the question?”

Bucky reined control of himself and then gave Steve a solemn nod. He couldn’t quite wrestle down the smirk though.

“For your information, I am not a virgin.”

Bucky snored. “Yeah right. Getting a hand job by a maid doesn’t count. I’m talking about all the way.”

Steve pressed his lips together a nodded a conformation. “Once. But I don’t kiss and tell, so we aren’t talking about that anymore.”

Once. This hunk of a man in his prime had had sex once. Bucky shook his head in amazement. But he also couldn’t help but think…with who? Had it been a woman?

“Not sure how I’m going to be able to top that question,” Steve said, still flushed. He hesitated for moment, and then asked, “How did you know you were into fellas?” The question was quiet and it danced around the issue that they hadn’t really discussed yet.

Bucky thought for a moment. “Well, a boy kissed me and I liked it. That was pretty much it. I guess I sort of always knew though. I had never really talked about liking men with anyone else before, and so I always just thought it was completely normal. And the thing is, it is. I prefer women and men and that’s just always how it’s been I guess.”

“You like men and women?” Bucky didn’t comment about how that technically counted as another question. Steve was doing his best not to look interested though, so Bucky humored him and tried to sound casual.

“Yep. I like the lads and the ladies. They both offer something nice. My fist kiss I had with a boy, I thought it was gonna be like a girl, but it wasn’t. He was rougher and harder, but it was still good.” Bucky cocked his head and looked at Steve. The other man was picking at his thumb nail with his brows furrowed in though. Bucky had always been one to go for what he wanted and not shy away form a problem, but he knew that asking Steve directly about his sexuality would be pointless. They both knew the answer to his questions either way, no matter what Steve would say. So instead, he asked, “Have you even been out of the city?”

Steve shook his head ‘no’. “I’ve always been pretty busy here. But I want to.” He bit his lip. “I want to go somewhere warm. With sand. A beach. I want to go to a beach. Have you been to a beach?” he asked Bucky. “Not just the rocky shore like here.”

Bucky smiled. “Countless.”

Steve sighed and closed his eyes. “What’s it like?” he asked.

“The sand can be different colors. Sometimes its pink or black, but most of the time it’s white like pearls. And the grains are so small that it’s almost soft underneath your feet. The sun is always hotter and the waves are quieter. They don’t beat against the rock like they do here. Instead, it’s like a whisper.”

“A kiss from Kira to Jinn,” Steve said. He opened his eyes and Bucky knew that he didn’t have to go to the ocean to see the endless blue.

“What?”

“The old wives’ tale?” Bucky shook his head. What the hell was Steve talking about? But Steve smiled. “Kira is the goddess of the sea, and Jinn is the god of the land. A long time ago, Land and Water used to be the worst of enemies. They would fight all the time and it caused havoc on the few humans who were caught in the cross fire. Kira would create storms and try and beat Jinn into submission, and Jinn would throw boulders to block streams and rivers flowing back into the ocean. It was so bad that when the other gods saw them start to argue they would all run and hide. Finally, a young man names Loph decided he’s had enough. The people where suffering and they were constantly getting wet or dirty. So, he devised a plan. He went to Mokvi, the goddess of music and asked her to make an instrument of great power and beauty.”

“One day, Kira and Jinn were about to go at it again when the sweetest melody they’d ever heard began to float from the mountains. It was so beautiful that they forgot their all their differences and began to dance. They fell in love, and they have been dancing ever since.”


	9. Chapter Nine

“So, Steve, tell me a little about yourself.”

Steve smiled what he hoped would look like a pleasant smile. A relaxed smile. Inside, his heart was beating frantically and was it hot in here or is that just me? He could hear Thor laughed heartily next to him but he didn’t look over. He didn’t take his eyes off the beautiful girl sitting next to him. He knew what he’d see already: Jane looking starstruck and like Thor was one of the gods himself. Thor, gazing back at Jane as if she were something that was so different from the world he’s grown up in. As if she emerged from the stars themselves. They would have their hands clasped together by now and when one talked, the other would gaze adoringly. Sam said it made him sick and Loki could hardly bear to watch, but truthfully, it just made Steve ache inside. He would never admit it, but seeing them together made him wish that he could have that. That he could have that ease that they had around each other and the looks him mom and dad gave them. 

But he would never have that. It was never meant for him. So he didn’t look at them. Instead, he looked at the woman with the loose blonde curls and wide smile and sweet eyes. He really hated himself sometimes. “Um, what do you want to know?”

She shrugged and shoved the beans around her plate aimlessly with her fork. He watched them traverse the ceramic. “I don’t know. What do you do for fun?”

The dreaded question. He did the duty that was required of him. He protected the city and managed the guards. What did he do for fun? He went for runs and trained, but he doubted that would be the answer she was looking for. “Sam and I are pretty close. We do stuff together a lot.” 

She nodded, not seeming to recognize the answer as vague and unspecific. Well the question was vague and unspecific. “What about you? What do you do?”

She smiled even though nothing was funny and ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know. I like to read a lot. Bit of a nerd, I know, but it seems to run in the family. I’ve heard you met Peggy already?”

“Oh yeah, I love Peggy,” he said, and he felt his lips curl at the mention of the old woman. “She’s a firecracker though.” 

Sharron laughed and swished her wine around in the glass. “That she is.”

She looked similar to what Steve imagined Peggy would have looked like when she was younger. The woman was still beautiful, just not in the way she used to be. Different beauty. Still beautiful. Sharron shared the woman’s blond hair but also possessed the ability of looking stunning in red lip stick. 

He rubbed at his knuckles nervously. “Do you see her a lot?”

Sharron sighed and shook her head sadly. “Unfortunately not. Things keep me pretty busy at home. But I’m treating this like a vacation, so I plan on seeing more of her for the next couple weeks.” She then smiled and her eyes turned up. “I’ve heard that you’ve been taking very good care of her though.”

Steve cringed a little. “When you say it like that it sounds creepy.” Sharron laughed and he couldn’t help but think maybe a little too loudly. Then he cursed himself. She’s a nice woman. You are looking for an excuse not to like her. You’re afraid. He couldn’t help it though. The woman posed an unusual threat. That is, she was obviously into him. She’d been flirting for several hours now and he didn’t know how to respond. He liked her enough, but if he took it too far or if she got the wrong idea, then he would have to reject her when she tried to make a move, because it’s not like he would ever make a move on her. But if he seemed obviously uninterested, she might take it as an insult, and he really didn’t want any tension to emerge before his brother’s wedding. He knew the man had enough to deal with already. 

Or worse: she might do some digging. See why a man wouldn’t be interested in a beautiful gal like herself after making conversation all evening. Everything else seemed to go smoothly. Was he taken? Was he even…right in the head? Steve had to shut down that line of thought quickly. His heart rate spiked slightly higher. He was making a big deal out of nothing. The girl wasn’t expecting anything of him. She was just trying to be polite. And who knew, maybe she was taken. Maybe she wasn’t even interested in him at all. His interpretation of flirting might have been completely wrong. 

Still, he didn’t miss the way her gaze would sometimes flicker down to his lips or how her eyes focused on him when he said something. He wasn’t the best at reading people like Natasha was, but still, it felt like flirting to him. 

“What I meant was, I’m thankful. She’s getting old and I worry about her living in that house all by herself. I know you help her take care of it and all the maintenance even though you could just get someone else to do it. I know she likes the company and not many people are willing to give the time of day to some old lady. So, thank you.” Her voice was sincere and it made Steve ache. 

He smiled anyway. “No need to thank me. It’s selfish, really. I like spending time with her. She’s a neat lady and she tells me about the war sometimes. I wish I had known her, but sometimes I feel like I have, you know? Peggy had that was about her.” 

It feels like you’ve known Bucky too. From a time before. He feels familiar. Steve dug his thumb nail into the tender skin between his other thumb and pointer finger. 

“She does. I wish I knew her better. In a way I did, though. My mom would tell me stories about her all the time.” She paused a moment before continuing. “Does she ever mention me?”

Never. “Uh, well, she talks more about when she was younger. When she can remember better, you know?” 

She nodded. “But she remembers you?”

“Ah, yeah. Yeah.” He took a small sip of wine.

Sharron didn’t look pissed in any way, though. In fact, she smiled. “Good. I’m glad to hear that. I’m glad that she has someone to listen to her.”

Steve felt himself blush under her intense gaze. “Well, as I said before, I enjoy spending time with her, so, win-win I guess.”

Before Sharron could speak again, Steve was hit with a ball of mashed potatoes in the face. He yelped and shot up from the table. Sam, who was sitting across from him two seats down, was howling like a monkey. His face was flushed from laughter and Steve could feel the tension easing out of him and replaced by something lighter. “I’ll kill you for that, you know.” His menacing tome was ruined by the smile he couldn’t control and Sam mock gasped at him.

“You’re too noble, my dear bother. You would never.”

Sharron was laughing beside him. He pouted and tried to scoop a spoonful of his own to fling right back, but one sharp look from Pepper and he was smiling at his brother and eating his potatoes. The smile held a threat of what was to come.

“Let me get that,” Sharron said, still laughing and then another glob of potatoes was being shoved in his face. He gasped in surprise and heard Sam call out ‘yeah Sharron!’. She giggled and he couldn’t suppress a laugh of his own. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it,” she said, breathless. 

“Oh, please, don’t worry about me,” grumbled Steve and rolled his eyes dramatically. He grabbed a towel and wiped it all as Sam made another inappropriate comment which made Sharron laugh again. It was a high sound, twinkling and soft. 

When he had gotten all the food off his face, he looked up to see Sharron watching him with an interest that he couldn’t place. She had a small smile on her face and one eyebrow slightly arched. 

“What?” he asked, her stare making him twitchy. 

A slight blush was casted over her cheeks and she laughed, embarrassed. “I was wondering if you could, um, show me the wall. It’s really fine if you can’t though,” she rushed on. “I was just thinking, and I know I just got here, but, it seems like the view would be really nice, is all.”

“Um, no, yeah, that can be done. Of course.” His hands were sweating. It was definitely hot in here. It was probably all the people in one room. “I could use some fresh air,” he confessed, and Sharron nodded in agreement. 

So they left the dinner a little early. He ignored the looks he got from Sam and the eyebrow wiggle he got from Tony. They walked through the castle making small talk. Well, it was mostly Sharron, but he tried to contribute. His mind was rushing, though, and it was hard to concentrate on what she was saying. 

They walked up the stairs of the west tower. The stairs were winding and the tower was tall, so they ended up walking up in silence for a minute. He couldn’t decide if it was tense or if it was all in his head. He raked his brain for something to talk about, but he could find nothing. 

When the emerged at the top, the cool air was refreshing on his overheated skin. And she was right about the view being good. The trees stretched on for miles and miles. And across to the other side, you could see all the way to the other side of the city and to the ocean, the waves glittering distantly in the sunlight. He loved it up here, but he never attempted to draw it. He would never be able to capture it’s beauty on a piece of paper anyway. 

“I was right,” Sharron said. He turned to find her looking at him again and his heart stuttered. She held his eye contact boldly. 

“Um, about what?” he asked, his voice quiet even though they were alone.

She smiled. “The view is great.” The line was obvious but his heart was still beating a million miles an hour because fuck she didn’t know how messed up this was. How messed up he was and then she was leaning in and all he could do was lean in too because he absolutely could not reject her and then they were kissing. 

And she was so soft. She smelled of perfume and slight perspiration and when he pulled his lips away and licked them, he found they tasted more like wine and berries. Slowly, she pulled her hand away form the back of his neck which he didn’t even realize was there in the first place. She looked up at him from under her eyelashes, and she was beautiful. She really was. She was petite and soft and she was interested in him. It made Steve’s stomach turn. 

She has no idea. She’s making a mistake. Sharron smiled and then turned so that she had both her hands on the edge of the wall and took a deep breath in and then out. “You okay there big guy?” she asked without looking at him. He realized he was staring, hardly breathing. 

He cleared his throat. “Um, yeah. Sorry.” He looked back over the trees. 

“Why?”

He hated when people asked him that. He was sorry for not being able to give her what she wanted. For being flawed. For being awkward and for kissing her. He was sorry for a lot of things. But instead he just said, “I don’t know.”

“Don’t be.” And she shot him a sly smile. “Though I do get the feeling that you don’t get around a lot, so maybe I should be the on apologizing.”

He huffed in amusement but didn’t look at her. She had no idea. Her comment remined him of the question Bucky had asked. The thought of Bucky made his fingers twitch. He suddenly felt guilty about kissing Sharron. It felt like he was betraying the other man somehow. He had made it clear what it was between them. They were just friends. Stop thinking about it. 

Just stop thinking about it. 

Stop.

He just wanted all of it to stop. 

 

To be fair to Steve, it wasn’t like he was plotting or scheming or trying to get away with something. He wasn’t trying to play anyone. He was just getting dragged along. Was he supposed to say no to Sharron when she asked him to show her Peggy’s house? That would’ve been incredibly rude, and she would’ve gone anyway. She just asked because she wanted Steve to come with her, not that she actually needed help finding it. It wasn’t far into the woods and she could have easily gotten anyone else to go with her if she was even the slightest bit unsure. So he said yes.

And come on. The fact they were all there at the same time as Steve and Sharron was just ridiculous. What were the odds. Honestly? But in the end it was his fault, and he didn’t need Natasha’s raised eyebrow or Bucky’s fury or Sharron’s confusion to know that. The moment he saw them he knew he fucked up. 

And on such a beautiful day too. The trees were loosing more leaves and they covered the ground with color and the sun was out to warm up the frosty winds. They walked through the woods together and if Sharron was closer than strictly appropriate or that he was comfortable with, then he didn’t notice. 

“So, what do you think of Jane and Thor?” 

Steve let out of hum of thought. “I don’t know her too well, but she seems nice. And Thor is head over heels for her so she’s okay in my book. He has a knack for choosing good people.” Truth be told, he was paying the least amount of attention to the marriage as possible. He was enormously proud of his brother for finding someone who he could share his life with and made him smile the way he did whenever they were around each other, but with everyone talking about them, it made a little queasy. Thor was only a couple years older than he was, and it seemed that the boy he grew up with was now in love and starting his own family. He knew that Thor had the birthright to the throne, so his marriage was extremely important, but naturally the conversation would turn to Steve and if he had ‘anyone special’ because he “had to be thinking about these things too.” He’s “not a kid anymore” as if he needed a reminder. 

So really, it was the last thing he wanted to talk about, but that’s really all they had in common. That’s why she was there in the first place. “Jane is great. I suggest getting to know her. And Thor seems amazing. I haven’t spent too much time with him, but those arms,” she said and let out a low whistle. 

He laughed because yes, while his brother had a lot going for him, his appearance was not something that people overlooked. Ever. Sometimes Steve looked at Thor and Loki, brothers by blood, and he didn’t know how they could be any different. Loki was slender and dark haired, pale skinned, and clever as a fox. Thor seemed to go the opposite rout. But he couldn’t blame Loki. Wish an older brother like Thor, sometimes it felt like it was hard to be seen. Especially when Steve was younger.

“Thor is…something. But for all he is, he’s great.” He lead her through the path with their backs to the rest of the city. “I can’t believe he’s getting married though,” he confessed. 

“It’s a big deal,” she agreed. “There will be so many people. I’m excited.”

“Yeah. A lot of people. More than I’ve ever seen at one time in one place.” It would probably be mostly rich folk too. The majority of people would never get close enough to get a whiff of the food much less see the bride or groom clearly. 

“Are you excited?” It was clear that she was. Her steps were light over the roots of short thick trees.

“Yeah. We are getting close.” Peggy’s house was just ahead and if you knew what you were looking for, you could spot out the red of the bricks and the grey of the shingles. “How long has it been since you’ve seen her?”

“I don’t know. Years. I was smaller. Still a girl. I just remember her being full of energy even at her old age. I thought she was way cooler than all the other boring adults.”

Steve smiled. That was his first impression too. So the wedding, and Peggy. They shared Peggy as well. “She was. Still is. Why do you think I spend all my time with her?”

“Because she can cook?”

“Oh, well that too.”

They emerged from the trees to see her house on the other side of the small clearing. The grass was wilting slightly from the lack of daylight hours but it was still long and small bugs skimmed over the surface. It was rippling in the wind like water. Sharron sighed at the view of the house. “Do you think she knows I’m in Mu right now?”

Steve began to wade through the grass leading Sharron behind him. “I’m not sure. News travels quickly, but she’s a bit isolated out here. She doesn’t get too many visitors.”

Sharron stopped him by the elbow and he turned to face her. She was suddenly nervous. She but her lip. “I’ve been meaning to ask…Steve, how is she, mentally? In the head? Do you think she’ll remember me?”

For some reason, the sight of the ever confident Sharron scared for Peggy, a woman he held close to his heart, made him hush her. He tucked a tuff of hair behind her ear and he got an image of them, her as the little sister he never got to have, to comfort. “Peggy is getting old, it’s true,” he said in a low voice, “but her mind is sharp. She will remember you, Sharron. And she loves you.”

Sharron smiled and sagged in relief. “Thank you Steve,” she said, her voice thick with gratitude. He smiled softly at her. She straightened her shoulders and lifter her chin. “Let’s go then.”

Steve nodded and turned to find they weren’t alone as he thought they were. His heart leapt to his throat. No way. No fucking way… He was lost for words. Natasha, Clint, and Peggy were all staring at him. And Bucky was not. Fuck. Bucky. They were all looking at him differently. Peggy was looking at him with mirth and happiness as if she caught Steve with his first crush. He couldn’t look at her for long. It made it hard to breath. Natasha was looking at him in the way that meant that if he didn’t consciously control ever muscle on his face, she would know exactly what he was thinking, but he didn’t try. She always knew anyway. Clint was looking at them like he was missing something. He was sure that Clint knew who Sharron was, but the tension in the air was thick and he didn’t know why. 

And Bucky has his arms crossed, staring at Sharron with narrowed eyes that made Steve go stiff. He looked dangerous. It didn’t help that he was decked out in black hunting gear from head to toe. His arms were bare though and the muscle was taught under his tan skin. His chest was impossibly broad and just looking at him, even when he was staring daggers, made Steve’s heart beat faster. No, especially because he was starring daggers. 

Fuck. Fuck! There was no way this wouldn’t end badly. 

“Hello there,” said Sharron. Her voice was casual, but no one except maybe Peggy was fooled. Her frame had gone ridged at the sight of Bucky.

“Hello dear. Steve, your friends came looking for you, but here you are. Funny how things work out. And who is this?” Peggy turned her attention to Sharron and gasped in that way that old people do when they are excited. “Sharron! My lovely grand nice!! My dear, I heard we had visitors but no one informed me that my favorite family member was coming” She moved slowly to cross the distance to hug Sharron. 

He could practically feel Natasha’s gaze boring into him, trying to catch his eye. He couldn’t look at her though. He couldn’t drag his eyes away from Bucky. There was a look in his eyes, and it made Steve nervous. More nervous than he normally makes Steve, which was fucking panicked. 

The man looked absolutely livid. His gray eyes were trained on Sharron like an archer’s eyes focused in on a kill. Then they flicked over to Steve and it was a thousand times worse. The connection was like a bolt of lightning shooting down his spine. He was hyperaware of Bucky’s feet shifting under him. His left foot dropped and his knees slightly bent as if to attack. 

“Steve. Hello.” His voice made Steve want to flinch. It was cold and sharp and nothing like how it sounded when they sat in the tree together. More like when he found Steve in the alley getting the shit beaten out of him. 

He opened his mouth to greet him but found that his throat was impossibly dry, so he swallowed and tried again. His own knees bent ever so slightly and his right hand drifted to his belt. “Hey, Bucky.”

He nodded toward Sharron as she pulled away from Peggy. Her gaze flicked over to Steve. She looked uncertain as how she should proceed. That made two of them. “You gonna introduce us?”

Sharron stuck her hand out before Steve could stop her. “I’m Sharron Carter, Peggy’s great niece. Nice to meet you.” She didn’t smile, though. Instead, her gaze was firm as if she was meeting a diplomate and not meeting a potential friend. 

Bucky smiled, but it was something more twisted. “Pleasure is all mine I assure you,” he drawled. The sarcasm made shook Steve out of his fear. The way Sharron looked out of the loop, but she was trying. Bucky’s eyes were cruel. 

He stepped up next to here and but a hand on the small of her back. Bucky’s eyes followed his movement and he saw his jaw clench. Other than that, though, his face was deceptively blank.

“Well, that’s lovely,” he said. “What a fuckin picture.”

“James,” Natasha cut in. She stepped from behind his and took his arm firmly, but Bucky didn’t back down. He was staring down Steve, but Steve didn’t back down. “James, we should leave.”

”I ain’t going anywhere,” he snarled. 

“Someone want to explain what is going on here?” 

Stormy eyes snapped back to Sharron. They were slits and his lip was curled a sneer. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Sharron.”

“Bucky!” Steve had all but forgotten about Peggy, and judging from Bucky’s reaction, he did too. “Don’t speak to her that way. You need to calm down.” Peggy turned to Sharron and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “My dear, why don’t we go inside. I’m beginning to feel a bit faint frim the heat.”

Steve knew that was a load of horse shit, but he sent her a grateful look anyway. Peggy was still strong as an ox, but Sharron hardly knew that, and she gave Steve one more confused look before leading Peggy into the house. She didn’t look at Bucky, but if she did, she would have seen him glaring right back at her. 

“Bucky, we need to leave,” Natasha pressed again when Sharron had turned the corner. 

“Yeah, man, I think we should head out,” piped in Clint, still a safe distance away. 

“You can go. I need to talk to Steve.”

“James, stop this.”

“It’s fine,” Steve interrupted. 

“Damn right it is,” Bucky snapped. Steve looked at Natasha and made a small nod. He could handle himself. He didn’t need her looking out for him all the time. But he understood. Bucky still looked like he might attack. 

She nodded back at him, and then it was just him and Bucky standing outside the cottage in the sun. “What game are you playing Steve?”

“I’m not playing anything. I don’t know why you are so angry right now.”

“Don’t play dumb. It’s hardly a good look on you.” Steve ran a sweaty hand through his hair. 

“I’m not. You are acting like…like…”

“So you’re going for it then?” Bucky scoffed. “You’re gonna play pretend the rest of your life? You are gonna marry Sharron and pop out a nice liter of kids and everything is going to be great and you’re going to be great and –“

“By the gods, Buck, who said anything about marrying her?”

But Bucky wasn’t hearing it. “Please, I saw the way you came to her rescue, reassuring her that the big bad beast won’t harm her.”

 

Steve gasped in exasperation. “I just met her! And for that matter, I just met you too! Don’t act like you know what’s best for me when you hardly know me.”

“Oh, and I suppose she knows you? Knows how you like to take it up the ass? I bet she’s real into that.”

“Stop,” he said lowly, because that’s all he could say. This was getting out of hand. And Bucky had no right to be this mad. What he said was true; Bucky had only talked to Steve a handful of times. He couldn’t act like Steve was betraying him in any way. Then why do you feel so guilty? The thought made him even more angry. The manipulative bastard.

“Oh, she doesn’t know? That’s interesting. Maybe I should just go tell real quick. I can give her some tips.” He made a move to leave, but Steve stopped him, gripping him hard on his biceps. The muscles underneath him fingers flexed slightly, but he made no attempt to free himself.

“You say that like that’s all there is too me. That’s all you see. You don’t know me at all.”

They were close. So close that Steve could feel Bucky breathing hard and could see the small flecks of brown in his eyes. So close that he could see the hard lines in Bucky’s face soften slightly in sadness. He spoke in a whisper. “You’re right Steven. I’ve only know you for a short time,” and Steve felt his stomach drop. He couldn’t help the way his mouth turned down and he tried to pull away, but this time Bucky’s hands held him in place. “But you’re wrong when you say that’s all I see in you. I see that you are a watcher You like to observe, but you say only a fraction of the things you think. And what you do say, you say what you think people want to hear. The day we spent together, I felt like I was seeing you honestly, without all the pressure to be someone you aren’t. I see someone who sees the beauty in the world and has a talent that they should be celebrating, but they are embarrassed about. I see a fighter despite what you may think yourself-“

Steve couldn’t listen anymore. He yanked himself away, his breath ragged. He was exhausted already. “What do you want from me?” he croaked. 

Bucky’s anger visibly drained out of him. The stormy grey eyes closed for a heartbeat. “I don’t know. I guess all I really want is for you to see yourself as everyone else sees you.”

That’s not what he wanted to hear. He wasn’t some sort of saint. Bucky knew nothing about who he really was. “You’re wrong.” He shook his head and couldn’t bring himself to look at Bucky, so he looked into the trees. “I can’t be who you want me to be.”

Bucky didn’t respond right away. They stood there for a moment, listening to the wind rustle the grass. “Who do you think I want you to be?” he finally asked. 

Steve shook his head in frustration. This whole ordeal was humiliating. He should just tell Bucky to leave or that he didn’t know or anything else that would have made Bucky leave him alone. But Bucky had a way of seeing through his words. Not only that though. He found that he didn’t want to hide from him. So he spoke honestly. “You want me to be someone who is confident and knows their place in life. You want someone who is-“

“No.” Bucky interrupted sharply. “No, I don’t. I just want you to be you.” 

Steve rubbed at the bride of his nose. “That’s a load of crap. No one wants someone fully. They just want the good parts. They want the things that they think they see in them. You just want to feel like you are saving me.”

“And I suppose you know exactly how everyone feels all the time? You just know this automatically? Because if I just wanted the good parts, Steve, and I’m being honest here, I would have walked away ages ago. I would have never kept an eye out for you after the first night I came to Mu and you left me high and dry without a word of goodbye.” He sighed and shoved his hands in his pocket and lowered his voice. “I know I’ve only known you for a bit, but I do really like you Steve. And not like that. Well, yes, but mostly just as a person. And if you want, I can be here in the long haul.” He paused for a beat. “But if not, then I’ll leave. You won’t see me anymore. I’ll be a ghost.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Steve knew that that was the last thing he wanted. All of his feelings were conflicting, but if Bucky left, he knew that he would have lost something special. Still, though, it felt like he couldn’t do anything right around the other man. And he, like Sharron, processed a unique danger about him. He knew too much, saw too much, and Steve was crap about hiding his feelings anyway. About most things, that is. He looked back at the brunet. He was turned facing the trees, giving Steve a sliver of privacy, waiting patiently for his answer, any answer that Steve gave him. 

“I don’t want that,” he finally said. 

Bucky looked back at him and nodded. He seemed to be expecting more, but Steve didn’t really know what else to say, so he looked back to the trees again. It was easier than facing those eyes. 

“Okay.” His words were soft. “Good. Me neither.” 

And his acceptance made something stir in Steve’s chest. Something he couldn’t quite put a finger on. It was bittersweet and moved slow and thick like molten rock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really struggled with this one. Sorry if it's doo doo.


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky couldn’t help but smile as Steve searched for words. The blonde blinked a couple times in a row before looking away, his jaw set. “I can’t take this,” he said, and Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve’s stubborn act was getting real old. As if a couple of pastels Bucky had bought were too much and Steve couldn’t accept it. He shoved them at Steve again, Steve’s refusal to take the gift not dwindling his good mood. It made it even better, actually. When Steve thought he didn’t deserve something, then Bucky knew he was doing it right.

“Can’t you just take it? I already bought them, Steve. Who am I gonna give them to if not you? Natasha?” He snorted and he saw Steve’s resolve crack with a smile. “If you absolutely can’t take them for free as a gift, then it can come with a price.”

Steve raised in interested eyebrow. “I’m listening.”

Bucky grinned. “You have to draw me.” Steve couldn’t stop the smile despite his obvious efforts. A slight blush crept onto his cheeks.

“No way. I can’t draw people,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well, we’ll just have to see. It’s not like you have much of a choice.”

Steve crossed his arms and pouted. “I could just not take them.”

“And then I would be heartbroken,” Bucky sighed and put a hand to his chest.

Steve bit his lip and then took the pastel sin his large hands. They were on the coast away from the bustle of the port. Instead, they sat on huge rocks above the water and watched the sea slam into them. The spray of the water brushed them and the cold wind caused the waved to topple early and crash back into themselves. It was loud and harsh and somehow managed to be peaceful.

“Thank you,” he said honestly, carefully brushing the pads of his fingers over the colors. Bucky shrugged. He’s seen them and immediately thought of Steve.

“I’m not joking about that drawing.”

Steve smirked. “I think I can make it happen.”

“I’m a little hurt that you haven’t offered sooner, to be honest. I’m not that bad to look at, am I?” He gave Steve a grin.

“Well normally I try and avoid drawing things that I…” He laughed and looked away, scratching his head like an awkward teen. “That I find beautiful,” he rushed out, blushing furiously.

But Bucky didn’t make fun of him for it. It was a simple recognition of himself, something that Steve had been doing more of lately. Trying not to hide so much behind a façade of someone he wasn’t. It always caught Bucky off guard and every time it made his heart swell. But calling Bucky beautiful was something more than unexpected. It made his brain shudder for a moment, not exactly caught up on reality.

And the fact that he wouldn’t draw him because he was somehow too beautiful? He couldn’t decide if he wanted to strangle Steve or kiss him. Both, really. Probably more of the latter, though.

“Please, Steve. I think you’re the perfect artist to capture all of my essence in a picture.” He struck a pose, pursing out his lips and fluttering his eyelashes. Steve barked out a laugh.

“Yeah, I don’t think even a master artist could capture your ‘essence’” he snorted.

Bucky sighed dramatically and looked wistfully into the distance. “Ah, you’re probably right. What is a man to do?”

Steve rolled his eyes, but Bucky saw how he carefully slide the package into his bag.

“So what do you draw if you don’t draw beautiful things? You drew the duck pond. Did you not find that up to ‘undrawable’ standards?”

Steve scrunched up his nose. “No, it’s not like that. There are a lot of physically beautiful things in the world that I like to draw. Like, I like to draw trees and people I see in the market and the ocean. But there are some things that have a spirit that I can’t capture with colors or lines. I’ve never drawn the view from the top of the wall, and I’ve grown up there all my life. I’ve never drawn my parents together because I can never hope to capture the way the lean on each other.” He didn’t seem to realize that including Bucky on the list of undrawables meant that he fell into a category of something uniquely special. He didn’t mention it. After all, Steve claimed the same spot in Bucky’s head. He just wasn’t as good as defining what it meant to him.

Bucky hummed and listened to the waves, thinking about what Steve said. “Have you ever considered that those are the most important things to draw, though? Everything that is close to you? To capture it on paper and have that moment forever?”

Steve frowned in consideration. “I’m not sure. It’s just a feeling.”

“You know you’re talented enough to capture it.”

Steve huffed. “You’ve only seen one of my drawings.”

“Yeah, and it was a sketch in a tree on an old piece of parchment and a chunk of coal. It was hardly you’re masterpiece and it still managed to be amazing. You’ve got a gift, Steve. I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed about it.”

Steve shrugged in the way the meant that he wanted to change the subject. “It’s not something that many people know about,” he confessed.

Bucky narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “And by ‘not many’ you mean how many exactly?”

Steve squirmed. “I don’t know the exact number.” 

But Bucky wasn’t letting this go. “Guess.”

“Like…three? Maybe?”

“Like three maybe?” Bucky repeated, dumbfound. As if Steve had to estimate. And it was counting Bucky, a man who’d he just met. Steve winced.

“It sounds bad when you say it like that,” he whined.

“Who else knows?”

“Just you and Peggy. And someone else. You don’t know them.” He dismissed.

None of his family knew? And who was this ‘other guy’? No wonder Steve was so nervous when he asked Steve if he minded if he made a quick sketch. The man was letting him on a huge secret. Because that’s what it was: a secret. His level of drawing was one of years of practice, and there was no way that only three people knew that he was an artist just by chance. “Why?” Bucky finally asked. “Why keep it to yourself?”

“It never came up.”

“That’s a bullshit excuse if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Well I don’t know. It’s true!”

“So you’re telling me you’ve never shown your mom any of your drawings? Or Sam? Not even Sam?”

“Yeesh, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Bucky there his arms in the air. “Yes it is!” he cried. “It is a huge deal! It’s a big part of your life and you act like you hate the fact that you’re artistic.” He paused. “Do you hate the fact that you’re artistic?”

Steve groaned. “Can we please stop talking about this?”

Bucky grit his teeth. He really didn’t want to let this go. It was insight into Steve’s life and how he thought. But if Steve didn’t want to tell him anything then he would never get it out of him he wouldn’t be able to change Steve’s mind. Steve had to work through it himself. He tried one last time. “I guess, I’m here to be someone you can be 100% honest with. I’m not going anywhere, and trust me when I say that you’re definitely not the only one with issues here if the first time I met Carter was anything to go by. I would understand better if you at least told me why you don’t share it people. There had to be a reason.”

Steve hesitated, contemplating Bucky’s words. “You’ll just tell me I’m wrong,” he said. “No reason I have will be good enough, so why even bother?”

“No! I won’t say anything. I promise. You can just tell me and I won’t say anything.” He looked into those clear blue eyes and tried to tell Steve how he felt with just a look. “Your reasons are your own, and I might not agree or understand all of them, I can at least respect that.”

Steve nodded slowly as if tasting a food he wasn’t sure he liked or not. “It’s sort of tied in with a lot of other things, I guess. It’s hard to explain as an isolated incident. But if I were to try, I guess I would say that…to me, art has always been something that I wasn’t suppose to be good at. It was…” He struggled to find the words, but Bucky just gave him time, relieved that he was saying anything at all. “When I was younger, someone told me that my parents would be ashamed if they saw my art work. That it wasn’t good enough and that I was drawing at all was…” Bucky didn’t look away when Steve’s eyes grew glassy. He wiped his eyes in annoyance and steadied his breath. “Anyway, I know now that it’s stupid, but only up here,” he said, tapping on his temple, “and not really here,” he said, and put his palm over his chest. “So I haven’t shown anyone, and when we were in the tree, it seemed like something I had to do. And I took the paper out there in the first place because you already saw me at my worst, so what harm was there in drawing with you.” He shrugged dismissively. “It’s not like I thought you were going to stay much longer anyway.

Bucky’s jaw groaned at the stress on keeping it clenched shut and his fists ached to punch whoever Steve was talking about. Who told him he wasn’t worthy. And Steve was admitting to how he knew it wasn’t true, but childhood scars don’t just go away when you’re older, and he understood that. He understood how fucked up Steve could be after something that happened ten years ago. “Thank you,” he finally said.

Steve looked at him in mild confusion. “For what exactly?”

“For letting me see your art. I like it.”

Steve laughed a little. “Yeah.” It was a sad laugh. “You know, Thor is getting married   
soon.”

It was an obvious change in subject, but Bucky didn’t press. “The one who looks like a   
pup?”

“Yeah, the one that looks like a pup. That’s why Sharon was here. She’s accompanying Jane.”

“Wow. First born son. That’s a big deal. Actually, now that you mention it, there has been a lot of talk about new cloths and the trending fashion in the square. Typical Natasha and Clint, keeping me out of the loop on everything.”

“Yeah. It’s suppose to be public, that that mostly means that the aristocrats will be able to come and dance. Not maybe people who don’t have direct ties to us or people or the court will be able to come. Still, there will be a parade so I guess that counts as something. They tried.”

“Funny how the one year I happen to come, the most important marriage of the entire city is happening.”

Steve grinned at him nervously, and suddenly it occurred to Bucky what Steve might be getting at and his heart rate spiked. “Yeah, we were waiting for you this whole time. Wouldn’t be a proper wedding without Bucky Barnes.”

“I’ve never actually been to a wedding. Not much time.”

Steve nodded again, and the quiet hesitation made Bucky sure of what Steve was going to ask him. But that was impossible. He would never invite Bucky to a wedding because that would lead to so many problems for him. And what could he possibly gain from having Bucky there? What about Sharon? How much does she know? Surely not that much. And Steve hasn’t even admitted the fact that he liked men out loud, much less to his entire extended family and the royal court. “I was thinking, if you wanted to come, you can. With me. But it’s a lot, and I’m sure you’re busy, so, I don’t know. If you want to.”

Bucky knew he should ask where that left him. Where he stood with Steve. Who would he introduce him as. A stranger? A friend? James, or as Bucky? But he didn’t. He really didn’t want to ruin it because the idea of joining Steve at a wedding, a royal wedding, was seeming too good to pass up. To see Steve dressed to the nines, maybe even dancing with him. His stomach twisted in anticipation at the idea, and he had to tell himself to calm down. His voice came out just a half pitch higher when he casually thought about it for a moment and then said, “That sounds really fun. I would love to, actually.”

Steve broke out into a smile like he couldn’t contain himself, and that idea made Bucky smile too. He felt pretty foolish. “Cool, cool. I think Natasha and Clint will be there too.”

“Clint too?” he asked, before he could stop himself.

“Well, he’s always one for parties. I don’t think I could keep him out myself”

Bucky really shouldn’t be too surprised that Steve knew who Clint was, but somehow he still was. Then again, he still didn’t know too much about Clint, so he could be the a princess for all he knew. “Shouldn’t you go with Sharron though?” he asked. Steve’s smile faded around the edges, but Bucky had to ask. He needed to hear that this is what Steve really wanted. He wouldn’t be happy if he got dropped the day before because Steve was freaking out. 

“Well, probably. But I would rather go with you. If that’s alright. I mean, I really can’t dance at all, so it maybe it might be for the best.”

Bucky bit his lip imagining Steve blundering around like a child in a man’s body with a bunch of snobby aristocrats. “Well, now, that would hardly be fair to her. I guess I’ll have to come along, if only to spare her the embarrassment of being seen with you.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad. I just haven’t had much practice is all.”

“They don’t teach the prince how to dance?” Bucky asked doubtfully. “That seems a little suspicious. Even I know how to dance, and I’m literally a sailor.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you but that’s not the type of dancing we’ll be doing at my brother’s wedding, so maybe you shouldn’t come.”

Bucky laughed. “And what type of dancing do you think I do?”

Steve huffed like an old man. “Oh you know, the ‘twerking’ and the inappropriate dances where you shake your bum. It’s dreadful.”

“I don’t even know what that is. And I’ll have you know, I can be very classy when I want to. And if you don’t want to go with me, then I’ll find some older, respectable woman to show you what you’re missing,” he said and winked. 

“You’re horrible. This is what I mean. You’re the type of ruffian that my mother warned me about when I was younger. I’ve made a mistake, I think.”

“So you like bad boys. That’s not a bad thing. I can’t say I blame you.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I thought you were the fair maiden who falls in love with the handsome prince.”

“Honey, if you see a handsome prince around here, let me know.”

“Steve rolled his eyes and flicked his in the ear. “So you’re coming then?”

Bucky glared and rubbed his ear. “Do I even have a choice?”

“No.”

“Then I guess I better find something to wear.”

“Funny. I pegged you for someone who already owns his own suit.”

“Always gotta have the last word, huh?”

Steve gave him an innocent smile. 

There were a lot of problems with inviting Bucky that Steve probably didn’t want to think about, so Bucky didn’t bring them up. But there was still Sharron and the fact that there was no one else who knew Steve possibly enjoyed the company of a man, especially since they didn’t even know he drew, and then there was the mystery person who seemed to be the cause of some of Steve’s issues. And how would this all play out? But Steve was trying, and even though it was far from a perfect plan, Steve was reaching out to Bucky instead of trying to distance himself. It was a good thing. Progress. 

Progress toward what though?

He cut off that current of thought at the neck. One step at a time. 

 

Of course, the streets were crowded, so Bucky had chosen not to take a carriage there. It would have been impossible to get through the masses of people celebrating in the streets. It was less of a celebration for their prince and more of an excuse to get raging drunk. There were thousands of people packed into the city square singing and dancing and getting into fights. Women of the night were in broad daylight in shimmering translucent gowns floating around the edges. Children celebrated safely in their homes away from the action.

Bucky was able to avoid the worst of it by taking smaller roads and alleys on the edge of the city. He wore regular clothes and carried his suit in a bad that Fury had lent him with a distrustful eye. It happened to have coin in it when he first opened it. Bucky didn’t mention it but smiled at the old man when he left. 

The crowd thinned out as he got closer to the castle so he was able to hire a carriage the rest of the way and change in privacy. The whole way his heart was pounding and he listened to the people outside. By the time the carriage stopped he was sweating slightly even in the frosty air. 

His door was opened by a well dressed man in a clean navy suit. “Good evening sir,” he said in a smooth voice and gave a shallow bow. Bucky was too nervous to say much, so he nodded and stepped out of the carriage leaving his muddy clothes. He tipped his driver as well as the man introducing the guests. He was dropped off on the base of the steeps, a different entrance that he had first gone through but much more grand. 

The stairs were made from pure white marble and the railings were polished bronze that gleamed in the light of the windows of the castle. The windows were closed off by a thin fabric which allowed light to pass through but nothing else. Lanterns illuminated the way for the guests who were filtering in with a nervous excitement. They were all dressed in sharp outfits and cascading dresses which reached the length of the floor only to be short enough to show their shining shoes. Bucky momentarily felt underdressed and out of place, but he reminded himself that it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but Steve. Not to say that his suit was ugly. When Natasha had heard that he was coming to the wedding, she had gotten his measurements and he had a black and white suit perfectly tailored to him within a week. 

He walked up the stairs behind a young woman and a dark haired man. He could hear the music drifting gently from the inside. At the door there were two guards with large showy spears. Even they were dressed in gleaming buttons and straps. One of them nodded at Bucky as he passed through. 

Inside, there was a long hallway with a intricate chandelier of silver and glass. Each candle was shining brightly. The music swelled as he entered the ballroom and a wave of heat rushed to greet him from the cool hallway. There were already a lot of people and some of them were dancing to the orchestra in the front of the room. 

He automatically scanned the room for Steve, but there were a lot of people and all of them were cleanly dressed. He slipped into the room and made his way around the edges, carefully weaving through elderly people chatting amongst themselves. Everywhere there were gold dresses and white gloved that held champagne glasses with a thoughtless grace. He tried to not appear as if he were prowling along the side. 

“Ah, James, how nice of you to join us,” mused a posh foreign accent. Bucky turned to find Natasha in a off white gown. She had red lipstick on that complemented her flaming hair which fell down in soft curls around her neck. She was truly stunning, and the doofus next to her didn’t look half bad either. 

“Hello Natasha. Fancy seeing you here. Hey Clint.”

“Hi. Nice suit.”

“Thanks. I had some help picking it out.”

“It looks lovely though,” Natasha smirked, dropping the accent. “So, have you seen your man?”

“No, I just got here,” he said, his voice lower than normal at the reference to Steve as his man. “Have you seen him?”

Natasha let out a chuckle. “Oh yeah, we’ve seen him alright.”

Clint huffed. “Every woman here has seen him. It’s hard not to.”

Bucky frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, it’s hard to look away from him. I’m not into that, but if I were…” Clint let out a long whistle. 

Bucky laughed, though his heart raced in excitement. “Well, I’ll have to find him then.”

Nat took a sip of her drink. “Yes,” she agreed thoughtfully. “I can arrange that if you want?”

“For the love of all things holy, Nat, the man has been here for less than 5 minutes and you’re already scheming.” Clint gave Bucky a wide eyed look, but through it he could see how impossibly happy he was. 

“I think I can manage, but I might have to take you up on that offer later on if Steve is as popular as you say he is with the ladies.”

Natasha shrugged and gave him a pointed look. “Well, Mr.Barnes, I can’t say you look all that shabby either. I doubt you will have to be competing for his attention tonight.”

“On that note, I think we’ll go say hi to a couple other, less dapper guests,” rushed Clint. “We’ll see you around Bucky. I think I saw Steve under the balcony. Try checking there.” He took a smiling Nat by the hand and he watched as they seamlessly blended back into the crowd. 

Under the balcony. He looked up to see a overhang at the end of the room. He carefully made his way around the room, taking a drink from one of the servants when offered. It was champagne, but tinged with pink. He took a sip and nearly groaned. 

Clint was right on both accounts: Steve was under the balcony, and he was impossible to look away from. His suit was perfectly tailored, more fitted than Bucky’s to show off the hit of long legs and strong thighs without being clingy. It was black and white, like Bucky’s, and his chest was wide and strong underneath the smooth fabric. 

He tried not to stare. 

As he approached, he started to notice excited whispers. Men and women alike were talking about the prince in mysterious tones, as if they had never seen his face before and were pleasantly surprised when he turned out so handsome. Around Steve were several stunned women, all straight-toothed smiles and long shining hair. They were all laughing at something Steve had said. Steve himself looked comfortable to the outside eye, but Bucky saw how his hands were fidgeting with the glass, how he kept shifting his stance from one foot to the other and how his gaze kept flicking around the room, ever holding eye contact for too long with one particular woman. 

“Did he steal your girl for the night?” asked a soft voice to his right. Sharon Carter was looking up at him with a shy smile. How where people sneaking up on his so easily tonight? “Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’d like to start again, if that’s alright with you?”

She was nervous but stood up tall and confident. She was strong. He hesitated for a moment, the situation catching him off guard. Why was she offering peace? He doubted she even understood what had happened that day. But he nodded. “Yeah, of course. I was a bit of a dick, wasn’t I?” he admitted, cringing a little. 

She laughed a small laugh and then looked back over to Steve.

“And no, he didn’t steal my girl this time. Though it does look like there are some bachelors who look like the night isn’t going exactly how they expected.” He gestured to a particularly scrawny man who kept glaring over at Steve. 

Sharon sighed. “Yes, he does seem to have that effect on women. They can’t get enough of him, and he isn't even doing it on purpose. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t even know.”

A pretty auburn-haired girl smiled and gently touched Steve’s shoulder, earning a couple glared from the women around her and a gag from Peggy. “It’s a little embarrassing to watch, isn't it?”

Bucky agreed. “Yet thoroughly amusing,” he said as Steve managed a forced smile and managed to maneuver away without being too obvious. 

“It’s funny, he told me he had a date but I haven’t seem him with anyone in particular this whole time. For w while I thought he was just saying that to spare my feelings, but he keeps looking around like he’s waiting for someone.”

It shouldn’t have made Bucky so happy because obviously Steve was waiting for him to get here, but it did anyway. He bit back a smile. And not only that, But Steve had admitted that he had a date to Sharon when she approached him. Sure, he didn’t tell her specifically who it was, but he didn’t glaze over the fact either. “Maybe we should go rescue him?” he proposed. 

“Yes, I suppose we must.”

Together, they boldly walked up to Steve while most other people were lingering near him in hopes that they would have a turn to get to talk to him. Steve’s eyes flicked up to them, and he stopped talking in the middle of his sentence, eyes trained on Bucky. It made his heart pound. He was even more glorious up close. They stopped in front of him, Sharon introducing them to the rest of the women. But Bucky wasn’t paying attention. The way Steve was focused on him, and how those ice blue eyes traveled down the length of Bucky’s body, just once, quickly, but doing it all the same. 

“Your grace,” he said, and bowed low. He saw Sharron cursty next to him. 

A short, “Hey,” was all Steve managed to get out. Bucky had to control his smile before he rose back up. 

“Ladies, do you mind if I steal the prince for a moment?”

He tried not to smirk as as he linked arms with Steve as marched him out of the crowd of adoring women. “Anywhere private we could go?” he whispered because suddenly with Steve this close he couldn’t bare not to kiss him. 

“Next door on your right,” he answered, sounding just as flustered as Bucky felt. He tried to look important and urgent as he opened the door just wide enough for them both to slip through. A quick scan of the room told him that it was in fact a corridor with no one in it. He wasted no time shoving Steve against the wall and planting his lips on Steve’s.

Steve smelled like cinnamon and tea and it made a whine rise up in Bucky’s throat. Steve gently pushed him away and grinned like a fool. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks,” Bucky said, a bit breathless himself. “I would say likewise, but your ego has probably been stroked enough for today.”

Steve looked him over once more, and his smile dropped. Carefully, he ran his fingers under his jacket. He went from excited to impossibly sad.

“What?”

“Well, I thought that it would be fine to just talk to you. But now I want to dance with you, in front of everyone.”

It would have been so easy for Bucky to tell him that he could. That it was easy. But it wasn’t that simple, especially not for Steve. He was struggling through this. The last thing he needed was to be pushed toward something like that. 

Still, it made him flush to hear Steve say that. “I have an idea.”

The doors to the balcony where already cracked, and the music was loud enough for it to reach them in the study. In the room, they lit some candles to a dim light. Bucky placed Steve’s hands on his own shoulders, and his hands fell to Steve’s waist. “It’s easy,” he said into Steve’s ear. They were closely embraced, and Steve was stiff as a board. “Relax.”

“I’m trying. I warned you I’m pretty shit at this.”

“Well, we can start with swaying I guess.”

In the rose lighting they swayed to the music drifting from the ballroom. Somewhere between one song and another, they pressed their chests together and Bucky could faintly make out the feel on Steve’s heartbeat through his chest. Bucky rested his head on the blonde’s shoulder. 

They didn’t talk for a long time. It was something fragile and quiet and they had nothing to say to each other. The feel of their bodies so close was enough. Steve’s fingers trailed into the Bucky’s hair, playing with the longer strains and lazily carding through it. 

Bucky had long forgotten the fact that they were technically celebrating a wedding, and Steve didn’t bring it up. 

They were Kira and Jinn, falling in love in a dance.


	11. Chapter 11

“It’s not like that. Can we just talk about something else?”

“I didn’t ever think I’d see the day where Bucky Barnes gets embarrassed,” Clint awed. “I bet it was sickeningly cute. The type of cute that makes you go ‘awww’ and then stab yourself in the stomach and rip out your intestines.”

“I regret sharing. Nat, remind me why I even talk to Clint again?”

“Wow. Clint’s right. You are embarrassed. That in itself is just adorable.”

“I’m not embarrassed. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m just annoyed because you guys are being obnoxious about it. Just because we danced doesn’t mean that anything will happen. It was casual.”

“Well, Bucky, you are here to see him now, aren’t you?”

Bucky glared at the younger man. “I told you, I’m just running an errand for Nick.”

Nat smiled. “And if you happen to run into Steve, well, that’s just a happy coincidence.”

Bucky couldn’t hold back a small smile. “I can’t control who I run into and who I don’t.”

Clint snorted. They all walked through the castle halls together. When Bucky had seen the duo, he’d tried to put his foot down. Why the hell were they there? Clint tried to play it off as innocent, but Natasha shut both of them down. “We have business here,” she said, and her tone lead him no room for argument. They had gone this long without revealing their connections. It wasn’t like they would come clean just because he found them in the castle. So he let it go. 

“This is our turn, but we’ll be discussing this soon. Mark my words Bucky,” Clint sang as they turned down a small corridor. 

“I’m marking them,” Bucky called back. He continued down the hall. It was his third time in the castle on business alone, but he was a quick learner and already knew the way. Both times before he’d accidently walked into the wrong room, but he was confident that he would get it right this time. There were guards on every turn, but other than that, the halls were empty. Sometimes he would pass a servant or two rushing around, but he’d yet to see one. 

Nick had sent him out with a peculiar mission. He was acting as a delivery boy for the queen herself. Why he couldn’t get an actually delivery boy was beyond Bucy, but he didn’t mention it. The chance to see Steve again was too much to pass up. So he nodded his head like a good little boy and made his way to the blue castle. 

He turned the corner and strolled down another hall, daylight filtering in through stained glass windows. 

He wasn’t ashamed to say that he’d dressed up a little. His hair was smoothly combed and hung loosely by his jaw. He’d gotten some nicer shoes and he’d showered thoroughly before leaving. He was as good as he was going to get. 

“Stop.”

Bucky paused and turned his head. There was no one in the hall with him, not even a guard, but he was sure he’s head a noise. It was soft but firm, and muffled as if it had come from beneath the carpet. 

Was he hearing things? No, someone had said that. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but the voice, it almost sounded like…

“You ca...is...more.” Bucky could only hear parts. He looked around one more time to check if anyone was coming. He was alone, so he turned and walked to the door to his right. With one final check, he pressed his ear to the door. His heart was slamming against his chest. He should go get Natasha and CLint. But no, they would definitely not appreciate him interrupting whatever business they had so they could help him snoop around. 

He held his breath and listened, but couldn’t hear anything except the blood rushing through his veins. He held for a moment, but still nothing. Standing back up, he walked across to the other side where another wooden door sat. He was light on his toes even though there was a heavy rug that muffled his footsteps. He pressed his ear to the second door, and this time he heard the voices more clearly.

“My, you have grown quite bold since your last lesson.” It was a man, but not one that Bucky had ever heard before. The voice was deep and mocking. Bucky frowned. It wasn’t the voice he’d heard before. He strained his ear, neck prickling at the fear of getting caught. Was he sweating?

“You’re fucking sick. You can’t control me anymore.” Bucky wasn't breathing before, but he sure wasn’t now. He wouldn’t be surprised if his heart had stopped beating. But no, there it was pounding on his ribcage. 

Because it was Steve. Of course it was Steve. He knew it before, when he’s first heard the voice. But no, he was certain now. Steve was in there, talking to an unknown man.

But again he was trickin himself. Because he knew exactly who that man was without ever having to meet him. He was the other man. The other person who knew Steve drew besides him and Peggy. The man who made Steve feel ashamed. Who made Steve think he wasn’t good enough. And the image of Steve’s back, covered in welts. 

It made Bucky’s blood boil. 

“Please, don’t make me laugh. You’re still the..ared...boy...” The voice lowered, and even pressed up against the door like a spy, he couldn’t clearly make out the words. Bucky cursed silently in frustration. He had to know what was happening. But to barge in, that could lead to a lot of problems. “Fuck” he whispered under his breath.

He waited. His closed his eyes in concentration trying to catch what the other man was saying. He could still hear his voice, but it was impossible to make out the words. 

“Stop. Stop!” And that was Steve, loud and clear. Bucky would probably have been able to hear it if he was just walking down the hall. The mna was doing something. Steve sounded wrong. Something was wrong. Bucky had to go in.

He cursed again and then made up his mind. 

As soon as he opened the door, he had two sets of eyes on him. One was wide and blue and glassy. The other was sharp and brown. Both were surprised. 

The brown eyes man was tall and well build. He was attractive, but Bucky just wanted to slam him into the ground. The surprise only lasted a minute, and then it was smoothed over, but Bucky had seen enough to know he was right. The way the man was standing screamed aggression, and Steve was on his ass as if he’d just stumbled backwards. 

That this man could make Steve react like that spoke volumes about their relationship. 

“Hello there. Are you lost?” The man’s voice was friendly, no trace what it had just been moments before. His lips quirked up in a smile that made Bucky want to snarl. 

“Get away from him. Now.” His hands were clenched in anger. The other man blinked in surprise and confusion as if he had no idea what Bucky was talking about, but he could see the intelligence in his eyes, the wheels spinning in his head. 

“Oh, no, you misunderstand. I was just trying to help my cousin to his feet.”

Bucky looked to Steve. The man still looked shocked, eyes wide and staring at Bucky. He had no visible bruises, but that didn’t mean anything. It was impossible to tell how long they’d been arguing, or if it had been violent before Bucky came. 

Steve parted his lips but said nothing.

“Quit the act you sick fuck, and get away from him.” He was barely aware of himself stepping forward toward them. 

Something shifted in the man’s face. His large innocent eyes turned narrow, his lips curved into a sneer. He morphed into a snake right before Bucky’s eyes. “Oh. I get it now.” Without breaking eye contact with Bucky, he turned his head and spat on Steve. Steve turned his face away, eyes casting down in anger but other than that, not moving. Bucky let out a startled breath because what the fuck did he think he was doing? “You’re the little crush that-”

“You son of a bitch!” Bucky shouted, and his voice came out ragged and broken, because watching Steve take it like this was too much. What had this man done to him? Even the thought of the man laying a finger on Steve, even looking at him, it was too much. It several steps he crossed the room, full intention of beating the little shit into the fucking ground.

For all his talk, the other man was quick to dance away. Bucky would have followed, but a hand on his ankle stopped him cold. He looked down, first to the hand and following the arm to blue eyes. “Don’t,” Steve pleaded.

“Steven had been so happy the last couple weeks.” The man chuckled and shook his head as if Steve was a pet that was attempting to do a human thing. “I knew something was going on. You might think you know Steve, but I know him better than anyone. Better than himself. He’s destined to live a life of misery. A boyfriend can’t stop it. It’s in the stars. He can’t even stand up for himself, and he’s a full grown man.”

“Shut up!” Bucky couldn't take listening to this. He looked back down at Steve, the man’s hand still weakening clutched around his ankle. Why was he trying to protect this man? But Steve wasn’t looking at him anymore. His head was turned down, his body so still that Bucky wasn’t sure he was even breathing. 

“He can prove me wrong. I’m waiting Steve? Are you ready to be a big boy now?”

Steve didn’t move. He had turned into a statue. A defense strategy. Bucky flexed his hand against the urge to become violent. “Steve, listen to me. You think you have to fight alone, but you don’t. I’m here, and I’ll always be here.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, boy.”

Bucky didn’t look. Instead, he kept his eyes focused on the blonde. “Steve, he’s wrong. He knows nothing of you. And if you can’t fight him right now, then that’s okay, because our scars in childhood don’t just disappear when you become an adult. Your cousin-”

The man interrupted Bucky with a laugh. “He is a coward. I’ve known him all my life. It’s all he’s ever been, and it’s all he’s ever going to be. A nice fuck won’t change that.”

And then Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. His vision went red and he charged. It was obvious that the man was expecting Bucky to snap. He was ready and easily side-stepped, dodging Bucky’s attack. 

The man was trained in fighting, but Bucky fought with a rage that he’d never felt before. He was sloppy and rushed into his attacks. He was stupid. But he knew that if he had gone back in time, he still wouldn’t have been able to control himself. So he threw his punches hard and took them just as hard. His footing was unbalanced, and within several swings of his fists, he had been caught in a headlock. 

“Typical,” sneered the man from behind him. Bucky gasped for air. He was aware of himself making small little choking noises. The man’s voice made him thrash even harder. He drove an elbow into the other man’s ribs, but the headlock held tight. 

“Stop, Brock.” Steve had stood up, but both his hands were in his hair, pulling at the light stands. He looked close to panic, and Bucky tried to call to him but no sound escaped but a small gurgle. 

“Make me, cousin.” He roughly adjusted his grip with a jerk, and his arm closed even tighter around Bucky’s throat. His lungs were crumpling inside his chest and he felt his fingers tingle from the lack of oxygen. His vision swam. 

“Please,” Steve whispered, and for the first time, Bucky began to fear for his own life. His protests were getting weaker, and Steve didn’t look any closer to stepping in. “Stop! Brock!” Steve sobbed, but he remained rooted to the floor. 

Brock let out a laugh, a real laugh, and let Bucky drop to the floor. He confused on the ground, and for a moment, he couldn’t pull in any air. The first breath burned, and he coughed uncontrollably. He was rewarded with a hard kick to his stomach which drove any air still in his lungs out. “You both are pathetic. Steve, get rid of him. I don’t want to see his face again.”

Bucky couldn't hear in Steve replied or Brock leaving the room. He stayed on the floor, clutching his ribs and heaving or air. He was sure that a nice bruise was already forming on his neck. 

It was a slow process, but eventually he regained his breath. The world came back into sharp focus. As his breathing calmed down, he managed to uncurl himself from fetal position and look up to Steve. The man was still across the room. He was on the ground again, looking down. His knees were tucking into his chest and his hands were mercilessly pulling at his hair. 

Bucky’s hearing came back as the ringing faded out and he became aware of Steve’s breathing. It was coming out in short, ragged breath. His eyes were unfocused. Bucky was sent back to when he was younger, sailing with his father. A young man, still a boy, fell into the water from the boat. The waves were rough that day, and they had just barely managed to save him by throwing a thick plank of wood into the sea. He’d grabbed hold of it and they pulled him ashore. The was he looked when he was back on the boat, he looked exactly like Steve. It had scared Bucky to his core, but Clark had known what to do. Bucky watched as Clark confronted the boy, whispering slow words until the boy returned back to his body.

“Steve?” rasped Bucky. His arms felt wobbly as he tried to push himself off the ground and failed. Steve didn’t even blink. Fuck. “Steve, I’m okay. I’m coming over there, okay?” His voice wasn’t exactly convincing. Bucky took a deep breath and pushed himself up, this time getting to his knees. It was good enough. He crawled over to the man. “Steve, can you hear me?”

As he approached, he could see that Steve was digging his nails into his scalp. He probably wasn’t even aware he was hurting himself. Steve’s panic didn’t let up as Bucky approached. In fact, it seemed to get even worse, with each breath a small whine escaping as well. “Okay, it’s okay.” Bucky finally reached him. Bucky felt close to panicking himself He wished Clark was here, or his father. They would know what to do. 

But they weren’t here, and Bucky was. So he sat himself down across from Steve, close but not touching or crowding. What had Clark done? “Hey, Steve, it’s Bucky,” he said. His voice was still a croak, but he couldn’t fix that now. “You’re not in a great place right now buddy. You think you can come back for me? I know that was scary, but I’m okay.” Steve’s breathing remained unchanged, but he let out a small sob just once. “Hey, it’s okay, Steve. I’m here. I’m just going to keep talking, okay. I’m not sure what you're thinking right now, but I can promise you that nothing is as ever bad as it seems.” But that didn’t help at all. 

Bucky bit his lip, pausing. “Hey, I’m gonna tell you a story, okay? Does that sound good?” Steve gave no sign of comprehension, so Bucky continued. “When I was younger, I lived with my mom, my dad, and my sister Bekka in Okes. I’ve told you a little about it. I left when I was 13, but I remember Jokes so vividly. There was this one time when I was playing with my sister beside this lake. She was 2 years older than me, so obviously she knew everything about the world. I just remember really looking up to her. She was smart and brave and kind. Well, it was the beginning of winter, and snow had already fallen in a thick blanket. We played this game where we would pretend we were wizards and we would throw snow at each other. My mom was inside because Bekka was big enough to watch over me. It was so cold that day, and even in all my wraps I could feel the cold.” 

Steve’s fingers began to relax, not digging quite so hard into him skin. Bucky noticed small crescents of his fingernails. But it still seemed like Steve didn’t quite hear him. The man’s breath was coming out just as quick. Bucky’s voice was coming out smoother now at least. 

“We were getting bored of it, though, so I proposed a game. A game of chicken. Who would walk out furthest out on the lake. Normally, the lake would freeze so thick that we could ride a horse over it if we wanted it, but this time of year there was no telling how deep it was frozen.” Bucky let out a nostalgic chuckle. Steve sucked in a slower, shuddering breath. His eyes slipped closed. “It was a stupid idea, but we were stupid kids. So we inched further and further out into the lake. It was small, more like a pond, but it went pretty deep. When we were halfway out from the middle, my mom must have seen us through the kitchen window. Gods, she screamed bloody murder at us to get back to the beach. I must have been about 10 or so, and my mom still terrified me.” He smiled softly at the memory of his mother. Tension still racked Steve’s body, but his breathing was becoming less erratic. Bucky wondered if he was processing the words coming out of his mouth. 

“I started back, but Bekka told me that if I went back, then she won. It’s funny, I don’t remember it being taunting or anything. I She just stated it as a fact. But it stopped me. And I was so stubborn. I couldn’t let my sister win. So I went out even further. As soon as I passed her though, she started sprinting back towards the house screaming that the ice was cracking. It scared me so much I wet my pants. The whole time I was running after her I honestly thought that I was going to die because the ice was cracking. Scared my mom too. Bekka was the one who got extra chores, but she never let me live it down. Siblings can be the worst.”

Steve breathing was coming out uneven and shaky, but he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore. His head fell forward so that his face was hidden, and Bucky heart him sniffle. 

“I remember this one time…”

Bucky told another story about his adventures with Bekka, sometime in the story, Steve’s shoulders started shaking. Bucky shifted so that he was no longer sitting across room him but instead next to him with his back against the wall as well. He pressed himself flush to Steve and wrapped an arm around the man, carding his hand through his blonde hair. He kept talking though, his voice soft and easy as Steve wept. 

When his story was done, he stayed quiet. He was unsure if Steve was still crying, but the man was finally still. His fingers stilled and he rested his arm on Steve’s shoulders, his hands wrapping around the back of his neck. His thumb rubbed small circles under his hairline. 

“You know, it’s okay if you don’t walk to talk right now. But do you mind if I say something?” Steve didn’t respond. Not even a nodd. Bucky swallowed. It wasn’t an invitation, but it he didn’t say no. “I’m not too good at those long speeches, or putting my feelings into words. And I’m feeling a lot of things right now. But nothing that that bastard does can change my mind about you.” He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “Steve, I -”

“Don’t.” The word made Bucky’s jaw snap closed in an instant. It came out as a rusty plea. 

“What?”

“Please don’t,” Steve repeated. He turned to look at Bucky. His eyes were rimmed with red, but they were dry now. His lip didn’t tremble. He looked...Bucky didn’t know. 

I love you. The words were right on his tongue. The look Steev was giving him told him that he knew as well. He wasn’t prepared for the pain. He wasn’t prepared for that reaction at all. His heart clenched in his chest. “Please,” Bucky rasped. He needed to say it. If not for Steve, then for himself. Because he loved this man more than anything in the world. This emotionally unstable, loving, terrified artist. And when he looked at him, thought about him, he knew that he’d never been in love before. Not like this. Maybe he would never love like this again. So he had to tell Steve. 

But Steve didn’t look pleased. His upper lip twisted into something that was astoundingly not-Steve. “I don’t need your pity words. You don’t know me, Bucky. You don’t know me at all. I’m not your little project. You can’t save me Bucky. So fuck off.”

Bucky flinched at the words and withdrew his arm like Steve had physically burned him. He knew it wasn’t Steve. It was his anger, his humiliation. His fear. Bucky pushed down his own fear. He could be brave enough for both of them. “I love you,” he said, and even though his voice was small in the large room, it felt like a shout. Steve looked away. 

“No you don’t.”

“I love you.” This time it was louder, more firm, but just as true. “I love you,” he said again, because every time he said it, he felt his heart lift and his stomach flip. 

“Stop it!” Steve scrambled away from Bucky, getting back on his feet. His eyes were shining. “You don’t love me. You can’t love me. I’m a mess, if you haven’t noticed. I couldn’t stand up to a childhood bully, and I can’t stand up to him now. I can’t even face myself. I let you-” He stopped, cut off my emotion clogging his throat. 

“Oh, Steve. No.” It was all he could say. He struggled to his feet. Steve covered his eyes with his right hand and leaned on a desk for support with the other. 

“I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t even try to stop him. I was pathetic.”

“Stop it. Steve, please, I’m begging you to stop.” Listening to this made Bucky’s own eyes flood. “You think you don’t deserve love, happiness, all because of that fucker, but you do. You deserve so much, because you are a good person. I’ve seen it, Steve. When you help people, when you watch people. Everyone you meet sees it. Natasha and Clint think the world of you, and I have seen how much Sam looks up to you, even in the little time I’ve spent with him. I don’t claim to know much, Steve but I know this.”

Steve was crying again, and Bucky went over to him this time. He engulfed the man in a hug and Steve clung onto him for his life. “I love you, Steven Rogers.”

It just made Steve sob harder. 

They stood for a while like that. Steve holding onto Bucky. Somewhere along the way, Bucky started humming a soft melody. He couldn’t be sure where he knew it from, but it came to him then. They swayed together and Steve fell silent but kept his face hidden. Bucky closed his own eyes. The whole ordeal had been exhausting. He doubted the other man knew, but Bucky was holding onto Steve as much as Steve was holding onto him.


End file.
